StumbleUpon | unknownspeciesx's blog posts

http://unknownspeciesx.stumbleupon.com/review/33140490/

Wed, 27 May 2009 13:21:30 -0700

In a surprise move, GM forces U.S. government to file for bankruptcy. Automaker turns tables on White House, saying nation is bleeding red ink and taxpayers shouldn't be asked for endless bailouts. U.S. will shed unprofitable states as part of restructuring. By Gary Puzzanjima, Staff Writer Beleaguered General Motors took revenge on the Obama Administration today, surprising White House officials with a legal maneuver that forced the entire U.S. government into bankruptcy court. "Nobody is too big to fail," GM boss Fritz Henderson said, citing the nation's trillion-dollar deficit, pork barrel spending and bloated Social Security retirement system. "We can't ask taxpayers to continue bailing out such a mismanaged bureaucracy." Economists said the U.S. would need to dump underperforming programs and states, then re-emerge as a smaller nation. "Basically, there will be two countries: a 'good U.S.' comprised of profitable states like Texas and Alaska; and a 'bad U.S.' saddled with astronomical health-care costs, pricey social-service programs, and lame reality TV shows," said J. Morton Lippincott, a Harvard business professor. "The bad U.S. will be run by Congress. The good U.S. will be owned by Google."

http://unknownspeciesx.stumbleupon.com/review/22226291/

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 13:49:43 -0700

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

http://unknownspeciesx.stumbleupon.com/review/13087037/

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 09:26:06 -0700

>
>> Subject: A LAWYER AND A CAJUN
>>
>>
>>
>> A lawyer and a Cajun are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
>>
>> The lawyer asks if the Cajun would like to play a fun game. The
>> Cajun is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines
>> and tries to catch a few winks.
>>
>> The lawyer persists that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a
>> question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you
>> ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.
>>
>> This catches the Cajun's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet,
>> agrees to play the game.
>>
>> The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the
>> earth to the moon?" The Cajun doesn't say a word, reaches in his
>> pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
>>
>> Now, it's the Cajun's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill
>> with three legs and comes down with four?"
>>
>> The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the
>> Airphone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends
>> e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one
>> hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Cajun and hands
>> him $500. The Cajun pockets the $500 goes right back to sleep.
>>
>> The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Cajun up
>> and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down
>> with four?"
>>
>> The Cajun reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to
>> sleep.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>

http://unknownspeciesx.stumbleupon.com/review/11856499/

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 23:10:15 -0700

One Question Test

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving
an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test
features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have
to
make a decision. Remember your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

THE SITUATION:

You are in Miami, Florida. There is chaos all around you caused by
a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions.
You are photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, caught in the
middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're
trying to
shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around
you,
some disappearing under the water.

THE TEST

Suddenly you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life,
trying not to be taken down with the debris.
You move closer and she looks familiar
You suddenly realize it's Hillary Clinton! At the same time you notice
that the raging waters are about to take her under forever. You have two
options:
• You can save the life of Hillary Clinton
• or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo,
• documenting the death of one of the world's
most powerful women (in her mind, at least).

THE QUESTION:

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer.......

"Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the
classic
simplicity of black and white?"

http://unknownspeciesx.stumbleupon.com/review/11123061/

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 20:59:34 -0700

A Michigan Classic

Roping A Deer

With all the nice wooded area around the golf course I thought this would be a neat idea..and put some food on the table..

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up. 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it. It took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.

At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death. I managed to get it lined up to back in between my truck and the feeder. A little trap I had set beforehand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and started moving up so I could get my rope back.

http://unknownspeciesx.stumbleupon.com/review/11123068/

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 20:59:26 -0700

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head. Almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when a deer ; bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a different strategy. I screamed like woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the co-op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like hell. The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling "what happened"

I have never seen any law in the state of Michigan that would prohibit an individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I swear..not wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer." I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me there. I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make it home on my own. He did.

http://unknownspeciesx.stumbleupon.com/review/11123083/

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 20:59:08 -0700

Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe the attack as completely and accurately as I could. I was filling the grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the hell out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something. EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the co-op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their feeders. I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have to see these people every day and as an outsider. A "city folk". I have enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and whispering "there is the dumb-ass that tried to rope the deer.

Guess I should just get my golf clubs ready ................. this way I won't hurt myself .

http://unknownspeciesx.stumbleupon.com/review/8362455/

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 15:05:54 -0800

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had
covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past 5 years,

whereby the automakers were installing black-box voice recorders in
4-wheel
drive pickup trucks and SUV's in an effort to determine in fatal
accidents,
the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 48 of the 50 states the recorded last
words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh Shit!"

Only Wisconsin and the Upper Peninsula of Michigan were different,
where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer , I'm gonna try
somethin."

http://unknownspeciesx.stumbleupon.com/review/8009074/

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 15:20:19 -0800

Someone on the plane a pain in the butt?
If you are sitting next to someone who's irritating you on a plane, train,
bus

> > 1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
> >
> > 2. Remove your laptop.
> >
> > 3. Boot it up.
> >
> > 4. Make sure the person bothering you can see the screen.
> >
> > 5. Open the message below.
> >
> > 6. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.
> >
> > 7. Then hit this link:
> http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf
> >
> > 8. Enjoy

http://unknownspeciesx.stumbleupon.com/review/7741012/

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 12:09:39 -0800

FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count

who votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. When she got married she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat
miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade which fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in
Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at

large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.