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Thu, 08 Mar 2007 18:07:18 -0800

http://sullenboy.stumbleupon.com/review/8418971/

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 23:01:15 -0800

POOR INNOCENT BIMBO BECOMES THE LATEST VICTIM OF THE MIND-FUCKING SCIENTOLOGY RECRUITMENT TECHIQUES!

http://sullenboy.stumbleupon.com/review/7745779/

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 21:02:23 -0800

Shoot That Poison Arrow........Day 4

The Countdown To Eviltines Day Continues...

LOVE IN THE '80'S OR THE PITFALLS OF MAKING OUT TO GARY NUMAN.

Believe it or not, back in the '80's your humble internet friend was quite the fetching young dandy. What?? You?? No way! you scoff. Oh, to look at my haggard features today you would never guess but let me tell you, back then the world was my tacky, day-glo covered oyster. There were very few ladies that could resist my spiky new-wave mullet,(since appropiated by lesbians, they take the fun out of everything!) black parachute pants with ten fucking zippers, red dress shirt, black sport coat, and skinny black tie...I was the envy of all my peers. Okay..that's not entirely true. Going to high school in the Lovecraftian pit of horrors known as Hopkinsville, Ky. I got the shit kicked out of me everyday...but damn, I looked good while it was happening. Bear with me, I'm getting to the love part..

I embraced new-wave music like a wondorous sparkly old friend. Punk, at the time, seemed so "uncivilized". New-wave spoke to my robotic angst. Those blind fools, couldn't they see..their pep rallies were nothing more than harbingers of their ultimate de-evolution!!! Kiss away the gates of steel, fuckers!! I was a self-rightgeous twat with a boulder sized leopard print chip on my shoulder. New-wave was all about alenation and smugness. The music encouraged my already twisted sense of "otherness". My philosphy was a bad mixture of adolescent romance and angry sophisticate. I drew inspiration from my idols: Gary Numan, Devo, etc. As the gearheads buzzed the smoking area blasting out their Foreigner and Journey, I was belting out "Jocko Homo" to myself and feeling superior. I was a dreadfully pale and thin chain-smoker about to struggle my way through junior year, dreaming of pogo-ing at CBGB's. I had two friends at the time, both older and out of school. One had a great album collection...and we smoked alot of pot and argued things like who was better..Boomtown Rats or Fabulous Poodles..and had the Cars truly sounded the death knell for new-wave. I treasured these moments with him but he was also in some weird sex thing with his sister so it made it slightly uncomfortable to hang around his house! My other friend was a crazy 25 year old hippie girl with long blonde hair and huge blue eyes. I would have been totally in love with her except she had done way too much acid and never, I mean NEVER, said anything that made any sense whatsover.
Me: "Hey J...wanna listen to the new Klaus Nomi record?"
Her: Ummm, man, yeah, ummm, I saw four bears then I turned somersaults on my lawn, it was, man, ummm, painful now, ya know? Man, ummm, yeah."
Me: "Right....I'll just put on the record, now."
You get the idea.
My love life was floundering. I had lots of make-out sessions with random girls at parties, and one creepy sex fling with a girl I hated and she hated me but we still managed to fuck every day after school for a few months, but love looked elusive until college. Then it happened a new transfer into school...Lisa

Lisa had come with her Dad, the new football coach, from New York. She had big hair and lots of make up, wore short skirts and fishnets, and smoked as much as me. I thought she was the answer to my new-wave dreams little did I know all the girls looked like that in Long Island!!! We hit it off immediately and were soon making out at every opportunity. She seemed to be excited about my love of music but I think she was just humoring me as we tried to have sex to a Lene Lovich record. I was smitten. continued below....

http://sullenboy.stumbleupon.com/review/7748709/

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 21:01:03 -0800

She seemed wise beyond her years and swore in filthy ways I could never have imagined. Even though she said I looked just like Ric Ocasek, the new-wave Antichrist, I still loved her. We both worked passionately on the school newspaper together, me writing a music column about bands only I cared about, and her chasing down answers on such pressing stories as what the star wrestler choked to death on..pizza or corn. Yes, it truly seemed that I had found my soulmate and then Carlos happened. Carlos was the Spanish exchange student that came at the beginning of senior year. Swarthy and leather jacketed he muscled his way into the school like some slimy after-school special tough, flicking his curly dark hair over his shoulder as the girls giggled. The yin and yang of fashion we took an instant dislike to each other. Me, possibly due to the fact his favorite thing to say was "Hey faggot, got a smoke?" He quickly developed an entourage of other bullies and school life was made "fun" for me again. It's amazing how the word "faggot" pronounced by Carlos as "faygut" could bring down the cafeteria with howls of laughter as I scurried to my seat. It didn't matter though, I still had my Lisa. She would understand! One night during our regular phone conversation I was bitching about Carlos as usual when she says..."You know, he's in my Algebra class and I think he's nice" My heart sank. Nice????
"In fact my dad wants me to have him over for dinner." (You can imagine how Coach Dad felt about pasty-faced me with my lesbian haircut)
"How the fuck does your dad know him?"
"Well, he's going out for football and I happened to mention him...and..."
Of course he would be on the football team. I was furious.
"What? He's the fucking topic of dinner conversation, now?", I screamed.
"You know you should give him a chance. He's probably going to be around alot, I'm helping him with his English..."
That was too much. "Fuck you! Then teach him to pronounce "faggot" right!"
She hung up. That was it. The previous summer of love came to a bitter end. I was dumped soon after. Beaten by a guy who had five o'clock shadow at 8 am!! Fucking Antonio Banderas looking motherfucker! (Ok, Antonio hadn't come along yet, but it fits with the memory) So it was. She was on his arm the whole year. She cut the big hair off and started wearing blue jeans and Styx t-shirts. New-wave poser bitch!! No amount of bad electro-pop could console me. I felt betrayed by my life choices. Into the trash went the skinny ties and ear-rings! To the Salvation Army went the B52's records! My slow drift into punk had finally begun....I would spend that summer before college washing dishes at the local country club during the day and drunkenly throwing myself around my bedroom to the Clash at night.
New-wave was dead. Killed by Lisa and Carlos.

Carlos went back to wherever the fuck he was from...still not knowing how to properly say "faggot" and Lisa moved back to New York soon after graduation. She was an actress for a time, even had a bit part as a hooker in some movie I've never been able to find....probably playing herself, the filthy whore!

So on that note the song for today is a song of love and betrayal from those miserable '80's. It's from the girl's point of view but it fits my thoughts. The vastly under-rated Fuzzbox with "Love Is The Slug". The blonde always reminded me of Lisa....*sob*

http://sullenboy.stumbleupon.com/review/7706653/

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 13:13:52 -0800

Shoot That Poison Arrow...Day 3:

TOWN WITHOUT PITY

Chapel Hill is a lousy town to be single in. If you're not a drunk or an indie musician you're fucked. Actually, you have to be both because I used to be a drunk and it didn't really help. Have unkempt hair like an indie musician but it doesn't matter, I can't play an instrument or sing for shit. Oh, I do a mean Serge Gainsbourg impression.....even thought of doing a cover act....but figured I would just reek of Gitanes and gin all day and none of the "hipsters" would even know who the fuck he was anyway.
I could probably get some action if I became a hippie and hung out at the local Weaver Street Market....but hippie dancing makes me nauseous, tofu gives me gas, and I'd rather stick my nose in roadkill than smell Patchouli.

I moved here about five years ago running away from some very dark hoodoo. The girl I moved here with had borderline personality disorder and I was strung out on morphine, etc....you know typical Romeo and Juliet stuff. I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone. We were together for seven years which isn't a long time in terms of Chinese civilization, but for two people so close it's an eternity. Finally the drugs and insanity took their toll and we ended sadly and horribly. It was such a soulkiller I've not really been with anyone since. I cleaned up from the bad drugs and starting making the rounds in the town, and having an addictive personality became a drunk instead of a junkie. I can safely recommend neither as an aphrodesiac. An emotional trainwreck, most people in this town if they think about me at all, think me a sullen freak or a slightly insane smartass. It's taken months of self-imposed exile to finally get myself straight and back to the person I was ten years ago, but I fear the damage is done. The funny thing is some of the people that I wish knew the real me and liked me are people I really don't like! Insecurity is a harsh mistress.

My point is Chapel Hill isn't all bad........just incestuous and small and sorry fans....SHALLOW! I know I'm generalizing but screw it...everyone fucks everyone and seems ultimately more the miserable for it. Sour grapes because I can't find a worthy companion here......maybe. Travelling in the wrong circles...probably. It's a young town, which makes it even harder. I have about as much in common with people my own age as I do with your average Republican. I fear I'll be relegated to being thought of as "the cool old guy" or "the creepy perv who is always trying to talk to me" Hah!

Jesus, Valentine's day sure makes me whiny and honest. I bet it also makes me seem like quite a catch. Ah, the internet where boring losers write their crybaby blogs and hope to get a little comforting feedback...

I ramble..............without further adieu...here is the "love" song for day 3........"Town Without Pity" by Gene Pitney. One of my all-time faves..

http://sullenboy.stumbleupon.com/review/7705638/

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 12:04:53 -0800

Guy playing Moon River on the theremin!! Jesus, even on the theremin it makes me all weepy!

http://sullenboy.stumbleupon.com/review/7695577/

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 19:27:57 -0800

Shoot That Poison Arrow Post #2!

Sometimes I think I'd rather have a rancid banana lodged in my colon than to ever fall in love again. Then valentine's day comes along to remind me that no matter how cynical I think I am the more romantic I really am. Having blown every relationship I've had in the past by flinging my poop on the ones that really loved me or choosing the "crazy" ones and deluding myself into thinking they were "eccentric". I now find myself wiser and ready to try it again....but guess what? There's no prospects...zero...none. I'm finally at a place where I feel capable of really loving someone and trusting them and there is nobody to be found. The few people I do meet that seem interested I have absolutely no attraction to and the ones I get interested in have no attraction to me..or are married...or wind up saying or doing something that triggers some bad memory. There's no hope for me, I tells ya! I'm destined to die a lonely old man in a tattered sweater in a roomful of cats who will eat my face because no one will find the body for weeks! Fucking Valentine's day! I guess I'll just masturbate and curl into a fetal position and cry every night until my heart explodes. Or maybe I'll buy one of those new "companions" they're manufacturing in Japan right now. Have you seen these things? Holy Crap! On that confessional note song #2 in the countdown to V-Day...Roxy Music's ode to inflatable l'amour..."In Every Dream Home A Heartache". Sometimes love is just a breath away......

http://sullenboy.stumbleupon.com/review/7659504/

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 20:21:38 -0800

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

http://sullenboy.stumbleupon.com/review/7659026/

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 20:12:27 -0800

Sullenboy proudly presents.....Scintillating Singles on Myspace! Part 1!! Trawl this lust-bait with caution...muy caliente!!!!!

Andy is quite the package, ladies!! And cool? You bet!! Just look at those shades! It's always bright and shiny in Andy World!!!

"Procrastinate now, don't put it off!" quips Andy in his quote. This carnal comedian will tickle more than your ribs with his "routine" under the sheets! This laff-riot lover aims for your funnybone and yet you may find he hits your heart instead!

This is Bonnie! Bonnie's quotalicious quote: "I'D KILL MYSELF TO LOVE YOU. IF I LOVED MYSELF I'D KILL YOU"

What can we gather from this photo, fellas??? Well... she drinks alot of soda and she uses envelopes!!! What a gal!! That lingerie and those bedroom peepers..ooh lala! And that obsessive psycho quote? Let me at 'er!! Come hither sez Bonnie for some lovin' you'll never forget you fuckingmotherfucker I'll stab your eyes out!

Another one for the ladies (or men, wink wink)...This is Jason!! Jason's quote: I am busy as a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest!"
But not always so busy that he can't be just "chillin" as he wittily labels this photo!

Hold on to your panties, gals.....he's S-I-N-G-L-E!!! This delectable do-bee owns his own bar and is an ultimate fighter!! And don't worry you "sensitive" types, this pugnacious pug nose has a soft side, too. Give him a baby and a piano and he will tune the baby and nurse the piano..just kidding....he looks so
comfortable around both!!!

This sultry sodbuster also likes country AND rap!!! This is one eclectic chap!! Calling all broads whither thy be brawny or brainiac!!!

http://sullenboy.stumbleupon.com/review/7659300/

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 20:05:06 -0800

Sullenboy Proudly Presents......Scintillating Singles on Myspace Part2!!

Kurl up to this kutie, kowpokes!!! This is Tiffany!! Tiffany's quote: Well....Tiffany has no quote....ummm, just "Tiffany" in big sparkly letters.

One look at that saucy smile makes me want to lick the glitter graphics off her profile if you get my drift!! This "mystery woman" is a shiny Pandora's box covered in blinking Disney characters and flashing roses!! Your eyes say nein! nein! but your heart says oui! oui! Blonde and brassy is our lassie!! Did I mention she was bi?? Oh girl!! You put the "sin" in single!!! ME-OW!

More Mouth-Waterin' Myspace Muffins, soon!!!!