StumbleUpon | oneillgraphics's blog posts

http://oneillgraphics.stumbleupon.com/review/12146311/

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 14:17:04 -0700

http://oneillgraphics.stumbleupon.com/review/11458724/

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 08:54:10 -0700

10) Rodney Dangerfield - "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

9) Elmo Phillips - "You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by an attractive middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for, later in life."

8) Robert De Niro - "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful"

7) Steve Martin - "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."

6) George Burns - "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

5) Jack Nicholson - "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

4) Robin Williams - "Ah, yes, divorce. From the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

3) Billy Crystal - "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

2) Sharon Stone - "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."

1) Woody Allen - "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand!"

http://oneillgraphics.stumbleupon.com/review/11397290/

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 11:37:07 -0700

Ten Simple Rules for
Dating My Daughter

Some thoughtful information for those who ARE daughters, WERE daughters, HAVE daughters, INTEND TO HAVE daughters, or INTEND TO DATE a daughter.

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, you may think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on his subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my Daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies, which feature chainsaws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in pla

http://oneillgraphics.stumbleupon.com/review/11157960/

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 09:09:57 -0700

NEW BUMPER STICKERS FOR '07

1. Bush: End of an Error
2. That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
3. Let's Fix Democracy in this Country First
4. If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran
5. Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.
6. If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
7. Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant
8. Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
9. George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
10. Impeachment: It's Not Just for Blowjobs Anymore
11. America: One Nation, Under Surveillance
12. They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
13. Whose God Do You Kill For?
14. Jail to the hief
15. No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?
16. Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap
17. Bad President! No Banana.
18. We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
19. We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them
20. Is It Vietnam Yet?
21. Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
22. Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?
23. You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
24. Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda Pulled Out, Too
25. When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46
26. Pray For Impeachment
27. The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
28. What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?
29. One Nation Under Clod
30. 2004: Embarrassed, 2005: Horrified, 2006: Terrified
31. Bush Never Exhaled
32. At Least Nixon Resigned

http://oneillgraphics.stumbleupon.com/review/5035645/

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 08:20:24 -0700

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life.

You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.

You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself.

Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

http://oneillgraphics.stumbleupon.com/review/4973298/

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 09:42:03 -0700

---------->>>Irish Personals Ads<<<-----------

Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.

Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long-time fiancee, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced witches.

Ginger-haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.

Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.

Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.

Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel who owns her own brewery and has an open-minded twin sister.

Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 p.m. and 11:30 p.m.

http://oneillgraphics.stumbleupon.com/review/4911975/

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 14:26:11 -0700

I got this in an email RE: THE BODYGUARD

http://oneillgraphics.stumbleupon.com/review/4871691/

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 11:13:26 -0700

(THOUGH I'M NOT LIKING THE DEMOCRAT CRACK) TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona) who created the "tent city jail":He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.
He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights. Cut off all but "G" movies.
He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.
Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination.
He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails. So he hooked up the cable TV again only let in the Disney channel and the weather channel.
When asked why the weather channel he replied, so they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs.
He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.
When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't the Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."
He bought Newt Gingrich' lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails.
When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.
More on the Arizona Sheriff: With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports:
About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa Coun ty Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts.
On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before.
Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their pink socks.
"It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the tents for 1 year. "It's inhumane."
Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your damned mouths!"
Way to go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders.
Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time fo r their parole, only to go out and commit another crime, so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

Arpaio also has launched innovative rehabilitation programs like "Hard Knocks High ", the only accredited high school in an American jail. His ALPHA program teaches inmates to turn away from drugs. It is one of his proudest accomplishments. A high percentage of ALPHA graduates leave his jail clean and sober and rarely, if ever, return to incarceration.

As for his deputies, Arpaio has increased salaries, encouraged education by providing incentive pay, improved equipment and the fleet, and has elevated this office to a full-service, state-of-the-art world renowned law enforcement agency.

Also under Arpaio, the posse has grown to 3200 members, the nation's largest volunteer posse. These men and women, always are a great help to deputies, help in search and rescue and other traditional police work as well as in special operations like round-ups of deadbeat parents, fighting prostitution in the valley's so-called red light district, and patrolling malls and shops during holidays. The posse's contribution is invaluable and essentially free to taxpayers.

Arpaio and his wife, Ava, have been married 47 years. They have two children and three grandchildren who also reside in the Phoenix area.

http://oneillgraphics.stumbleupon.com/review/4770264/

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 06:49:24 -0700

Dan works hard at the plant, but he spends two nights each week bowling, and he plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself
too hard,

so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dan! How ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dan. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dan if he'd like his usual, and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable
and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dan, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Danny, want your
usual table dance, big boy?"

Dan's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dan follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the
door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the
stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of
it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4
letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Dan, you picked up a real
bitch this time."

http://oneillgraphics.stumbleupon.com/review/4634558/

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 07:27:48 -0700