StumbleUpon | msmartinwsx's blog posts

http://msmartinwsx.stumbleupon.com/review/2068447/

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 15:19:09 -0700

There are some random people on here...

A friend got this;

-----Original Message-----
From: SU Inbox
Sent: Thu, 15 September 2005 20:19:17
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: rashidkhan

hey sexy whats up?
got time to chat?
lemme know
email / msn is rashidkhan@hotmail.com
or perhaps gimme a call on 07968337485
am i fast?
not enough! lol
ciao

Well rashidkhan, Thanks for calling me sexy - you bad boi!

x

http://msmartinwsx.stumbleupon.com/review/1792636/

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 18:19:42 -0700

Scene: The Post Office. When: The not-too-distant future........

Customer: Hello, I'd like to renew my car tax.

Post Office: Certainly sir. Would you like to speed things up by using your
new identity card?

Customer: Why yes, that would seem to be a jolly fine idea.

PO: Let me just rub it on my jumper and swipe it. Is this the tax on the
clapped-out Astra?

Customer: Yes.

PO: Bit of trouble with the MOT this year I see. Jesus that wasn't cheap!
Still, at least the speeding points come off your licence in August - that's
something to look forward to. [censored] hell, that Magistrate really
hammered you didn't he? Probably took exception to that membership of the
Young Communists back in your student days. Six months or twelve?

Customer: I was only in the party for four months...

PO: Not according to this. Actually, I meant the car tax.

Customer: Oh right. Twelve.

PO: How would you like to pay?

Customer: Barclaycard.

PO: No, you're up to your limit on that, what about the Capital One Card?

Customer: I don't have one.

PO: Says here you do... oh hang on... no the bloke using that is in Glasgow
at the moment buying DVD players. He's run up quite a bill for you there
mate. Try the Switch card.

Customer: Here you go.

PO: No, something wrong here, won't let me complete the transaction. Let's
have a look... ah... yes... your TV licence has expired. Are you going to
pay that too?

Customer: Well, I thought I would leave it till next month.

PO: On your head be it. Do you want some Euros while we're at it? Two weeks
in Marbella, eh, you lucky devil. I see you're flying BA. Good choice.

Customer: Er, yes I'll do that now. Give me 500 in mixed notes.

PO: It'll have to be 200 I'm afraid. The car tax has taken a bite out of
your funds and your monthly ID card purchase fee direct debit is due out of
the account tomorrow. Right, there you go. Have a nice day sir.

[ Later ... Tesco checkout]

Customer: Hello, can you sell me a one-month travel insurance policy?

Tesco: Yes sir, let me have your ID card... Thanks. Do you have any current
health problems?

Customer: No, nothing.

Tesco: You sure, sir?

Customer: Yes, why?

Tesco: Well it says here you were at the doctor's last week.

Customer: Oh, that was nothing serious.

Tesco: Let me just... Oh yes, touch of the old Farmer Giles... No that wont
be a problem. Probably sitting on cheap charter flight seats that's to
blame. I see you're going British Airways this time around, though. Very
wise. Oops, pressed the wrong button. [Picture of Customer's hideously
empiled bottom appears on every plasma screen in the shop, accompanied by
name, address, telephone number and email address].

Old lady in queue: Oooh they look sore dear. Have you tried Anusol?

Tesco: I see your car had a bit of a struggle with the MOT. Garage not keen
on Communists?

Customer: Can we just do the travel insurance, and these frozen peas?

Tesco: Peas? Shall I just check that don't have a genetic predisposition to
pea allergy? It'll only take a minute to scan your genome... I understand.
You're in a bit of a hurry. Very good sir. Next please.

[Later again ... At the Bank]

Customer: Hello, I'd like to open a deposit account please.

Bank Clerk: Can I see your ID?

Customer: Do I have to?

BC: Yes. It will speed things up and prevent identity theft while ensuring
that only those entitled to state benefits receive them. And it will prevent
all forms of terrorism, everywhere, for ever.

Customer: Yes of course. Here you go...

BC: Right Sir, how may I help? Would you like a cushion?

http://msmartinwsx.stumbleupon.com/review/1659809/

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 05:19:04 -0700

PLEASE CIRCULATE THIS MESSAGE AROUND YOUR OFFICE AND MAKE SURE EVERYONE TAKES PART TODAY

The leaders of the world are asking for your support to combat terrorism and we are all being encouraged to demonstrate today, Friday, at 15:00 hours against these terrorists who are trying to destroy our freedoms that we all hold so dear.

It is a well-known fact that Al-Qaeda are fundamentalists who are completely set against alcohol consumption, and even think it is sinful to look at a naked woman. Therefore, to show our disgust for Al-Qaeda, at 15:00 hours today, The War Against Terror is asking that all women run naked through the office while men chase them with a beer in their hands. This is one situation where we should all follow Bush, and we'll certainly need a drink to do that.

This will hopefully help us in detecting the terrorists amongst us - anybody that does not protest as proposed can be outed as a terrorist / sympathiser, denounced to the world, and shot.

Thank you.

-------------

Message issued by

The War Against Terror

http://msmartinwsx.stumbleupon.com/review/532487/

Sat, 04 Dec 2004 12:04:47 -0800

I should really do most SUing.. but I dont have the time :(

http://msmartinwsx.stumbleupon.com/review/481347/

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 19:39:32 -0800

Bored :)