StumbleUpon | mivox's blog posts

http://mivox.stumbleupon.com/review/17479658/

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 16:17:12 -0800

Fuck the "Superdelegates", or: Why your vote doesn't count.

Right-o. So, despite Obama winning more primaries and caucuses, and having more legitimately "won" delegates to the 2008 Democratic convention, Hillary might still take the nomination. Because the Democratic Party automatically gives delegate status to every single Democrat in Congress, along with every Democratic governor in the US, and a bunch of other people on top of that. And who "we the people" (you know, the ones who are supposed to be in charge of who gets nominated) vote for has fuck-all to do with who these people end up voting for.

You might think the Democrats' "superdelegate" thing is a remnant of an earlier era, when the party could rightly assume the vast majority of voters were uneducated, illiterate yokels. Au contraire, the system was introduced in 1980. From Wikipedia:

"After the 1968 Democratic National Convention, the Democratic Party implemented changes in its delegate selection process […] to make the composition of the convention less subject to control by party leaders and more responsive to the votes cast during the campaign for the nomination. [ed. As it should be.]

"These comprehensive changes left some Democrats believing that the role of party leaders and elected officials had been unduly diminished, weakening the Democratic ticket. In response, the superdelegate rule was instituted after the 1980 election. Its purpose was to accord a greater role to active politicians." [ed. my emphasis.]

This is, IMNSHO, utter fucking bullshit. What it does, in a close race like this years' contest, is put the swing vote for the nomination in the hands of the—surprise, fucking surprise—party elite. How painfully ironic, for the party that gets unanimous support from labor unions. So much for the little man.

It's horseshit. Plain and simple. The Republican system of "winner take all" primaries effectively fucks the underdog … which is screwed in its own way. But the Democrats? The party that champions its support of the common man against the rich overlords? In the 2008 nomination race, we could very well see the party elite swing the nomination against the populist front-runner, in favor of the political-dynasty corporate whore. (continued on f-ckingc-nts.com)

http://mivox.stumbleupon.com/review/16945635/

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 18:11:06 -0800

It's Loo-og, It's Loo-og ... and it's available at Pottery Barn

No shit.

Only they're not "logs" ... they're "rustic wood accent tables". And they're available for only $199-$249, depending on whether you want the short (18") or tall (24") model. Both are 15-18" in diameter.

"The natural lines of our reclaimed-wood stools are hewn from the trunks of Argentinian cypress trees that have died of natural causes. They've been smoothed and finished to bring out their inherent character."

For fuck's sake, THEY'RE SELLING POLISHED FUCKING LOGS FOR $200+ DOLLARS!

I'm sure when John Kricfalusi did the Log Song skit for Ren & Stimpy, he was intending it as a satirical jab at American consumer culture. Not that he actually thought someone was going to start selling high dollar logs.

They're. Selling. Logs. Someone needs to be beaten about the head and shoulders for this. Waterboarding might not be out of the question ... (continued on f-ckingc-nts.com)

http://mivox.stumbleupon.com/review/16305096/

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:46:47 -0800

On the Web: More Huckabee Insanity ... fucking crackpot.

Thanks to rawstory.com for publicizing this priceless quote from presidential candidate Mike Huckabee:

"I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution, but I believe it's a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that's what we need to do -- to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view."

Yeah, that whole "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or preventing the free exercise thereof," bit. That would definitely have to go. Apparently, so would all the folks in the country who aren't so keen on living in a theocracy.

Bring it on, Huckabee ... you fucking brain-dead Jesus-freak cunt! Let's see how the intelligent people in this country vote, if your backwater-bible-thumping-ignoramus ass ends up getting the Republican nomination. (Do you think the educated Republicans will purge the Jesus junkies out of their party if that happens, or just split off to form a halfway-sane non-denominational new political party?)

http://mivox.stumbleupon.com/review/16040574/

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 22:45:26 -0800

New Hampshire Primary: Thoroughly fucked.

Last time the US attempted to elect a president, we saved the poll discrepancy shenanigans for the final round of voting. But where would the fun be this time around if we didn't try to outdo ourselves? The first state primary passed without any major trouble, except for the fact that Iowa's Republicans voted in favor of the Second Coming. Then along comes New Hampshire.

Ron Paul has missing votes all over the place, and Hillary miraculously came back from a significant deficit in the pre-election polls, and defied the exit polling data (which suggested that independent voters leaned strongly towards the Democrats, and Obama in particular) to overtake Obama's seemingly commanding lead. Even the Clinton camp's own internal poll data predicted an 11% win for Obama.

WHAT IN THE FUCK?! I mean, SERIOUSLY people. We are not some shitty third world nation, who's electoral process is in the pocket of some corrupt general who wants to guarantee his best buddy a win. Now I know a fuckload of people are sitting around thinking polls have a margin of error anyhow, so no big deal. But the margin of error of any reputable poll is 2-3% ... not 10% or more. And the polls were oddly right on the money for all candidates' results except Clinton/Obama. This is fucking pathetic.

The question, of course, is what in the fuck actually happened? (continued on f-ckingc-nts.com)

http://mivox.stumbleupon.com/review/15938059/

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 01:14:04 -0800

Huckabee?! You've got to be fucking kidding!

Iowa Republicans voted for Mike Huckabee, thereby confirming my suspicion that Iowa is a fucked up, backwards-ass, ignorant, redneck sinkhole I have no intention of ever visiting, except in the event of an unavoidable flight layover (then again, I don't think I've ever flown through any airports in Iowa, so I might even be safe there).

On the other hand, I could only hope that the Republican nomination went to Huckabee, because he's at least as mentally challenged as Ron "Fucking Fruitloop" Paul, and both are more unelectable than Rudy "Lock up the Pot Smokers" Giuliani. Keep Rudy out of the big race, by all means, Mikey boy ... be my guest.

His campaign slogan is "Faith. Family. Freedom." For those of you not up on US political jargon, that is shorthand for, "I'm a creationist nutjob who hates gays and gets hard for the 'war' in Iraq." Which is, in fact, the truth. (continued on f-ckingc-nts.com)

http://mivox.stumbleupon.com/review/15343556/

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:18:30 -0800

Gaw … Fuck OFF with the goddamn SWEETS already!

So, I go to Subway because I didn't bother packing a proper lunch before leaving for work the other day. I was almost feeling adventurous enough that I actually ordered a different kind of sandwich … unfortunately, I instead decided to just try one of their fancy sauces on my Spicy Italian on Wheat, and picked the sweet onion sauce. I was thinking "sauce made with sweet onions" not "onion sauce so fucking sweet it makes you want to puke". Fuckers. I swear, if I got a hold of the ingredients list for that crap, it would read "High fructose corn syrup, water, less than 2% of the following …" and only then would it list anything that vaguely resembled what you'd expect in any kind of onion sauce. WHY IN THE FUCK would ANYONE want a goddamn SANDWICH that was sweeter than fucking cake icing?!

I was inspecting the ingredients labels on some salad dressing the other day … much to my surprise, Hidden Valley Ranch did not have any HFCS, but the Italian sure did, and the nasty shit was the FIRST ingredient on the Catalina. (If you live in a country where Catalina salad dressing is unknown, I want you to drop to your knees now and give thanks to the deity of your choice.) Obviously the Catalina people are in cahoots with the Subway sauce engineers, and they've all sold their souls to Satan himself.

High fructose corn syrup is the nectar of the Devil. Oh yes … (continued on f-ckingc-nts.com)

http://mivox.stumbleupon.com/review/14750432/

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 17:44:37 -0800

10 Signs You're a Drunk-ass Cunt Who Needs to Quit the Boozing

All this political hoo-hah is fun and all, but I think it's time to lighten things up around here. Nevermind the fact that I am either a liberal wacko or a fascist who wants to steal your tax money at gunpoint … I already knew that. Let us now turn our attention to matters that transcend party politics: BOOZE!

Y'know, I like drinking. Really I do. Even to excess on occasion. (OK, regularly.) But I've never been 86'd from anywhere and I've only been refused service in a bar once (years ago). People don't roll their eyes and say, "Oh lord, here we go again," when I pick up a beer. The party does not quietly sneak over to the other side of the bonfire, hoping I won't notice I'm talking to myself. So, while my liver may not love me all that much, I think I'm pretty well qualified to play high and mighty on the following assertions … here are 10 no-shit signs that you really ought to quit drinking, but are probably too much of a brain-damaged alcoholic dumbass to notice.

Your room is trashed, you've been 86'd from the hotel, but you don't remember what happened. You did not leave the door open when you checked out, allowing some anonymous prankster to go in there to kick the legs off the hotel room desk. Yes, drunk-ass, YOU trashed your own fucking room. When the hotel calls and tells you you're no longer welcome there, do not try and blame someone else. Lay off the booze and quit pissing on the carpets, fuckwit. Didn't your mother housebreak you as a child? (continued on f-ckingc-nts.com)

http://mivox.stumbleupon.com/review/14486704/

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 23:34:38 -0800

Libertarians ... sad, psychopathic Pollyannas

My "Ultimate Civil Libertarian" piece seems to have caused a bit of confusion with some readers, so I thought it might be nice to clarify a few things for folks. I'm not a member of the Libertarian party. Never have been. Never will be. Oh sure, I went through my Ayn Rand worshiping phase in college ... had a first edition copy of Atlas Shrugged, read her essays on rational selfishness, but somehow I could never quite finish drinking the Kool-aid.

I completely believe in personal civil liberties. Hence the phrase "civil libertarian". I think the reach of the government should, for the most part, stop at my doorstep. Those control freak fucks in Washington shouldn't have any say whatsoever over what I do with my own body, or what I and other consenting adults do in my home. However, that's where it ends.

I could never support the Libertarian party, because I think corporations are creeping toxic slime mold out to absorb every worthwhile thing in their paths, and should be kept on a shorter leash than fucking rabid attack dogs. Whoever thought up the brilliant idea that a corporation should have "rights" as though it were an individual citizen should have been taken out and shot. (continued on f-ckingc-nts.com)

http://mivox.stumbleupon.com/review/14299488/

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 17:15:40 -0800

10 True Facts about Chris McCandless, or Alaska scores another point for natural selection

So, Into the Wild is in theaters. Another round of absurd romanticism about dumbasses who come up to Alaska and die in the wilderness is gripping the nation … or at least the denizens of it who secretly long to out-Walden Thoreau, whilst simultaneously out-macho-ing Grizzly Adams. Come to Alaska! Die a gruesome death! Live the dream!

It came to my attention while listening to public radio this morning that Sean Penn, in the tradition of all movie makers adapting real life to the big screen, seriously fucked some shit up in his dramatization of Mr. McCandless’s utterly moronic death. So, here are 10 true facts about Christopher McCandless, and how not to die in Alaska during the summer (true facts as opposed to Hollywood facts and romantic rumors, you see …): (continued on f-ckingc-nts.com)

http://mivox.stumbleupon.com/review/14269810/

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 17:53:32 -0800

The Ultimate Civil Libertarian … or, keep your laws out of my bedroom, off my body, and away from my pipe!

That’s me. I am the ultimate civil libertarian … a small sampling of my cherished beliefs regarding personal freedom.

1. Legalize gay marriage … not only should homosexuals have the same rights to make themselves miserable as straight people have, but even if the Christians are right, and gays are all going to hell, THAT’S THEIR RIGHT TOO! Fucking hell, according to the fucking BIBLE, God gave us free will, no? We all have the right to choose whether or not to sin in our lives, no? If ANYTHING is a God-given right, it fucking well IS the right to SIN in any way we fucking choose! It says so in YOUR fucking holy book, you hypocritical moralizing cunts! Now get your fucking nosy asses out of my fucking bedroom! (continued at: f-ckingc-nts.com)