StumbleUpon | lilly2112's comments & reviews

ChipIn: Helping my Mom

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 21:15:43 -0700

My name is Gabrielle (Lilly's daughter) and I am 17. Ths is my Mom's Blog. I am trying to save my Mom, LillyAnn, who has Lupus. She is really sick and running out of time ( 24 to 72 hours) to save her remaining kidney, with an emergency surgery. I hope I am doing this right on StumbleUpon.

UPDATE: A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone for all of your prayers and for helping me reach the goal to help my mom with her urgent ongoing medical treatment. SU Stumblers as well as other friends helped ChipIn raise: $357 and our family's great friend, mom's business partner and SU Stumbler himself davejazzhound has contributed the remaining balance. Mom will be receiving her necessary procedures this week and in time. We will keep you posted as much as we can.

Bless Everyone

Gabrielle

Sharing some quotes my Mom shared with me:

"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

"Never fear shadows. They simply mean that there's a light somewhere nearby." ~~ Ruth E. Renkei

On life's journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the protection by day, and right mindfulness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him. ~~ Buddha

http://lilly2112.stumbleupon.com/review/23102391/

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 18:28:03 -0700

Is It Really Up To Me?! (part 1)

Standing in the midst of nothingness yet everything, is what creates a future different from our past ...

"If it's to be, it's up to me," is a standard aphorism of the personal growth and development community. That's where I first heard it, although I suspect
that it is older than that.

Pretty obviously, it admonishes me that if I need something, I have to be in action and make it happen. If I stand around waiting for someone else to create if for me, I may grow moss and attract cobwebs. This explanation, I think, is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. There is a lot more under the surface.

In the vocabulary of spiritual evolution, I am talking about " manifesting," bringing something into being. Well, a lot has been written about this subject,
probably almost as much as has been written about get rich quick "opportunities." (They do exist but the people getting rich are the ones offering the "opportunity.")

I have written about manifestation on several occasions. It is little wonder that there is so much written on the subject.

A lot of spiritual topics evoke controversy and polarization, but not manifesting. Even the folks who believe that it is necessary to lead poor and humble lives in order to walk the path probably harbor secret dreams of having the Lexus and a Jacuzzi.

We may disagree on the nature of God (or if there is One), on which channeler is more accurate, vegetarian versus Vegan versus omnivore, or which form of reiki or yoga is superior, but hardly any of us are immune to thoughts of having a bit more in the way of materialistic goodies, and I think that there is nothing unspiritual about that.

Question: if there is so much written about manifesting, and if it is a popular subject, how is it that so many people fail to manifest?

Answer: Ahem, I am not sure, but based on my experience, I can offer a few "possibilities" (not the "get rich quick" variety, other than to write a book on how to get rich quick!).

First, unfortunately, manifesting has rules (or it may be more comfortable to think of them as "guidelines"). The good news is that there is no ONE set of rules or guidelines for everybody. We pretty much have to discern the ones that work for us. One thing that I need to say at this point is that I do not accept the " rule" that says that to express an intention to manifest is an admission of lack. Well, duh, human beings by the nature of being human come with lacks.

If we are thirsty we may drink from a " free" well, or we may buy a bottle of water at the market. What's the real difference? I don't think there is one. I need, and you may as well, to have a certain amount of stuff in my life to be in a position to even begin thinking about spiritually evolving. If my buns are plopped down on an iceberg in the Artic Ocean and I am freezing, it is tough to not think about needing to be on a nice sand beach in the Caribbean.

Conversely, the one rule that is universally applicable to all methods of manifesting (whether intentional or not) is that I cannot manifest for someone else. I can only manifest for me. It is not selfish, it is practical. If I could run around manifesting for other people, what a mess that would be! As George Bernard Shaw is reputed to have said, "Don't do unto others as you would have them do unto you; their tastes may be different." You can try to manifest for someone else, but it won 't work. Our gifts of choice and free will prevent those manifestations from becoming reality. (continued)

http://lilly2112.stumbleupon.com/review/23157676/

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 18:27:51 -0700

Is It Really Up To Me?! (part 2)

Second, whatever the manifesting method, I find that the single most powerful aspect of manifesting anything (for myself, not someone else) is that I BELIEVE that whatever I am manifesting CAN BE manifested - by me, and so, I am deserving of it. There is another saying, "Whatever the mind of man (and woman too) can perceive, he can achieve." I don't buy that. What I do buy is, " Whatever I can believe, I can achieve." This is the tough part. The rest of whatever method is usually pretty easy.

The angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.

You may have heard this expression. My favorite college professor said it to me often. Well, it's true. One of the paradoxes of creative living is that by talking ourselves lightly, we are better able to frame ourselves and our work more seriously. We do our best discovering when we can stop panicking about where the money is coming from and start focusing on how we have always found ways to meet (manifest) our needs. Try interrupting the gremlins in your head that tell you to push harder, do more, work longer, ect. This is the old way...

Although the steps or guidelines for manifesting vary a great deal from the simple to the complex, here is my own individual manifesting method.

First, I need to believe that what I am manifesting can be manifested by me. Nothing gets by this gate.

Second, what I seek to manifest must be in my highest and best interest. This is a bummer for some people (as well as for me at times). It's difficult to accept that winning the lottery is not in my highest and best interest. Darn!

Third, what I seek to manifest requires the cooperation of the Universe. If I can do it myself why call on the Universe? If I want to change the TV channel, I use the remote; I don't intone, "In the name of Spirit, please change the channel to..."

Fourth, I believe in a principal called the "genesis point." For every act of creation (including the Universe itself) there is a genesis point, the beginning. When I state a manifestation, I conceptualize the genesis point and ask for it to manifest materially from energy. From that initial point, the manifestation grows around the genesis point until I get what I am going to get. (As an aside - the genesis point can be used in healing. If I deal directly with the genesis point of a dis-ease, I can request that it "disassemble" the dis-ease and return the cells to their natural healthy state. It is an interesting approach that has served me well.)

Fifth, I have intention but no expectation. Expectations lead to frustration which leads to an end to my belief and the manifestation.

Sixth, passion and gratitude around my intention are never out of fashion.

There is other stuff, but this method is pretty much what I use. As I mentioned earlier, there are lots of methods. Choose. I do find that if there is a universal "law" around manifestation, it is to believe that I deserve what I request. This is my modest proposal: Believe and you shall receive. As in all things, practice, practice, practice is in order - build that mighty mental muscle.

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." -- Charles Darwin

http://lilly2112.stumbleupon.com/review/23157873/

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 18:27:33 -0700

Living In The Moment (part 1)

"We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery." H. G. Wells

When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen: there will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly.

The truth of life is that all you have is today. Many people are so concerned with adding days to their life that they forget to add life to their days.

It is very important in our lives that we maintain the ability to bring forth the spirit, the balance and the power necessary to accomplish our goals while expanding substantially the overall quality by which we experience our lives and our work. Along with my consultations, I try to provide everyone with the skills to integrate the spirit (vision), the mind (intellect) and the body (action) to such a high level that work becomes play and conflicts turn into magical opportunities for growth and excellence.

Many of you know that I live with the illness, Lupus - for which there is no cure. I have learned to value each individual day, because for me, there may not be a tomorrow. I don't think that I did a very good job of that in the past. But I wanted to share my thinking with you today, and teach you, if I may, to focus on the moment. Lately, I haven't been.

When our schedules are hectic and jam-packed, it's all too easy to coast through the moments of our lives without being fully aware of them. Perhaps, this might seem unimportant when work is keeping us hopping and there are bills to pay.

Our plates are full and, yet, what we're doing--how we're managing our time is working--so the tendency might be to just accept it. What keeps us going is vitally important; however, so is each moment of our lives. We take them for granted only because we believe we will have many more to relish. However, what if we don't? What if you don't?

Many have discoursed on being conscious and aware as we go through the moments of our lives. It's been said in many ways through the ages: Stop and smell the flowers, Time is a gift, Live as though you will live forever but could die tomorrow, and stay focused in the moment. Each of these and other quotations offer the same message essentially: appreciate each moment.

It can be difficult when faced with the realities of today: snipers, war (yes, we really and truly are at war--even though it's not occurring on American soil. Or is it?)

With all that is happening, the stories the media is broadcasting, and realities we know of but don't necessarily see and feel, it's easy to find oneself disconcerted. What's more, they make it easy to not know how to proceed. But we don't want to live our lives in limbo--we cannot live our lives in limbo. Life should be lived with gusto...we still have much to accomplish. The current state of affairs may infringe upon our usual spontaneity and time lines, but it shouldn't squash them. (continued)

http://lilly2112.stumbleupon.com/review/23102404/

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 17:56:36 -0700

Living In The Moment (part 2)

Ways To Focus on the Moment

No matter what life is handing you, all you have is the moment, the present. Stay focused on it and in it. Live it to the fullest, live it in a way that would cause you no regrets if you learned it was to be your last on earth.

1. Be Still. When life is stressful, hectic, or seemingly unmanageable, just stop. Be still and take yourself out of the craziness. Retreat into your inner world for guidance. During these times, it might be your only opportunity for peace and balance. If what you seek without or around you cannot be found, find it within.

2. Use Your Senses. The best way to take yourself out of the outer world that is no longer making sense or working for you, is to experience life (your life) through your senses. Open your eyes to the beauty around you, lose yourself in lovely music, exchange words with positive people in your life, enjoy a sensational feast with someone or many you care for, and savor the smells and the tastes in your life. You might even decide to go for broke .... touch someone and mean it!

3. Keep Being You. Respect the warning to be cautious and aware during your daily routines, but continue with your plans and goals—the things that have meaning for you. Work toward them in a way that does not put you out on a limb or cause undue risk, but don’t abandon them. Having a purpose and goals gives direction to our lives. Take the steps to realize your goals, perhaps, on the slow track for now, but just don’t let go of them.

4. Extend Yourself. Do more. Be more. Now is the perfect time to get involved—with your neighbors, the charity you’ve been researching, building deeper bonds of friendship, and appreciating the people in your life fully. When faced with the thought of catastrophe occurring at any time, panic and fear are only two options. Another one is to take the focus off of the unthinkable. Focus on appreciating what is and what could be in your life.

5. Claim a Perspective That Empowers and Enables You. The one you decide on isn’t so important. What matters is that it works for you. As always, if what you’re doing isn’t working, try something else—and fast. If you’re sitting at home out of the mix, worrying about opening your mail or going to work the next day, you need a different perspective. Adopt a winning one. Your life is always what you make it during glorious times as well as the challenging ones. Keep living, and keep striving to be your best you.

6. Keep Going. Feel what you feel—sadness, fear, uncertainty—but keep moving forward. Go to work, do household chores, visit with family and friends in person or via telephone, e-mail or Plurk, take out the trash, buy that lovely dress that caught your eye, try that new recipe, extend and accept invitations, drastically change your hair color or style, or any other option in an endless list of possibilities. Just keep going and, most importantly, enjoy the moments.

This is your life. You owe it to yourself to live it. It may seem different and uncertain now. However, the external changes to our lives are just that—external. There are entire schools of thought that speak in-depth on the importance of one’s internal life … of unshakable serenity, peace, and balance. If you really think about it, many times our internal (or inner) lives and strengths are all that matter when the world around us is unsure and changing. I have remembered this today.

Be yourself and let your inner light shine. I mean, really be yourself—for some, in a way and fashion you’ve never dared before. You have so much more to gain than you could ever lose. Remember: No regrets!

http://lilly2112.stumbleupon.com/review/23003426/

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:17:41 -0700

Where do I find faith? (part1)

"Believe and you shall receive," is the backbone of manifesting whatever you need in life. Faith is a step up beyond belief. Faith may be somewhat tainted as a bit old fashioned, but I think it is a great word and still in style. It can move mountains, we are told.

Maybe so, but I have no mountains that I feel need to be moved, so in this commentary, I am going to look at faith in everyday life. From my way of looking at spiritual evolution, its associated practices and principles need to be applicable to day-to-day life if they are to benefit my journey.

Faith is not for the weak hearted or weak kneed. Having faith requires a solid grounding in whatever it is that I am investing my energy. Faith contains an element of assuredness that may not be present in belief.

For example, I can believe that waging war is not in the highest and best interest of our world. I can have that belief and go about my daily life without another thought about it. If I have faith that war is not in the highest and best interest of our world, I raise the ante. How is this so?

To believe is to having a knowing about something. If I don't have a clock, and someone asks me what time it is, I can say, "I believe it is two PM." That is, based on whatever means I have for telling time, I think it is two PM. To have faith is to go beyond knowing to understanding, to certainty, whether I have a timepiece or not. If I answer the "what time is it" question form a position of faith, I might say, "It is two PM," without condition or equivocation. What enables me to go from belief to faith?" In this example, you might be tempted to say, "Get a watch, duh?"

That is an answer for this example that works; however, lots of times, there is no answer that is that tangible. Do I believe in God, or do I have faith that there is God? Do I believe that when I die my essence is immortal and simply shifts energy states, or do I have faith that this will happen? These and many other "belief or faith" questions taunted me for decades, after I started believing in God, and dangled metaphysical carrots in front of my empty, air grasping hands. Belief is a comfortable resting place on my spiritual journey. It is tempting to hang out there and go no further.

Consequently, I (and many, many others) have lots of comfortable beliefs that I use to shape my view of the physical and metaphysical worlds. What is lacking is commitment. When I commit to a belief, I enter the realm of faith. Because of some of the work that I do now, I read a lot of metaphysical-oriented work. Some of it is presented in such a definite and forceful style, that I begin to think that the article is written from faith. But, then I wonder, is the author writing from faith or a belief that is rooted in fear? Herein lurks the "belief booby trap."

The "belief booby trap" is one that you set for yourself when you need others to buy into your belief. Sometimes we want others to buy into our beliefs so that we will be held in high esteem, and thus apply a little topical anesthesia to the pain of feeling that we are not worthy. Sometimes, it is difficult for me to assess a writer or speaker's faith in what they present. As always, my old standby, discernment, is needed to make the call. If I really listen to my discernment, my inner understanding divorced from ego, then the answer I receive is valid. (continued)

http://lilly2112.stumbleupon.com/review/23003445/

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:17:31 -0700

Where do I find Faith (part 2)

Now and then, a reader not only takes issue with what I write, but questions my IQ and parentage. I must admit that sometimes I feel as if I have been punched in the stomach. Even though, I know enough to realize that it is my ego that received the blow, there is that precious moment when I know that the reader has seen through the wall protecting myself, and knows me for who I perceive I am.

Although I have healed my major emotional wounds, the reflexes they left behind continue to be triggered by karmic moments that I need to process. They are now easier and faster to resolve with loving acceptance.

When did my faith grow wings and take off? Answer: in that case, faith was never there; if it was present when I opened the fateful email, I would have simply and lovingly accepted the reader's comment and gone on my way. I experienced yet another "karmic moment" when I am on the cusp of how will I process the seeming attack on my worthiness? Will, I find my faith in what I wrote and lovingly accept the reader's insults, or will I begin crafting a biting reply to the jerk who dared assault my words? It is an interesting moment to experience as are all karmic moments, big or small, when I have awareness of them. There is that boogey-principal again, awareness. My, but awareness does haunt me, and that is good. I need reminders.

Let's bend around in a full circle in this belief - faith model. To believe is to accept something. To have faith is to understand that something is. The difference between the two is commitment. When I have faith, I am committed to the existence of that in which I have faith.

More simply, belief = probably; faith = certainty.

Belief makes me seem knowledgeable. Faith makes me unimpeachable. Belief is a rest area on my spiritual journey; faith is the fuel that takes me forward.

Belief is not wrong, bad, or evil. Beliefs are important to us for they are the foundation for faith. First comes belief, then faith. The essence of using belief in spiritual evolution is to realize what it is present in a belief in contrast to faith. Having faith raises the ante, but not every belief needs to be fired in faith and shaped on the anvil of experience - just the ones that are the foundation of who we define ourselves to be.

So, Lilly, is anything that you write, written in faith, or is it all belief? I admit that some of what I write does come from belief. 99% comes from faith - I am committed to every word I write. What is important for you is that you understand what you are faithful to. When you do that, life becomes a lot simpler and easier.

TRUST in yourself, also goes hand in hand with belief & faith.

TRUST is expecting the best to happen, believing in YOUR ability to create what you want, and knowing you deserve to have it. It is demonstrated by believing in something or someone even when the outer world seems to reflect something else. It is demonstrated by talking of your having it (or him or her) even if you do not yet see it or him or her around you. It is not enough to sit around and believe. Demonstrate trust by listening to your inner guidance and taking action on it.

Since you live in a world of form and substance, action is the physical link to having what you want. Every time you are willing to take a risk, you increase your ability to trust and to believe in yourself. There is a difference between trust and hope. Trusting is believing and knowing that what you want will come (or come back); hoping is wanting something but not really believing that it will.

The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts.
Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day.
The content of your character is your choice.
Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become.
Your integrity is your destiny ... it is the light that guides your way.

~Heraclitus~

http://lilly2112.stumbleupon.com/review/22950757/

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:07:11 -0700

The Call Of Destiny (Part 1)

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.

Humanity often refers to destiny as inevitable. It represents the map of the soul for it is strongly linked to karma and choice. Presently the destiny of the world and its population is unfolding. This unfoldment signifies a cycle of completion for earth and her inhabitants. This cycle occurs approximately every 50,000 years.

Many of you are aware of the changes taking place on earth as well as the changes taking place in your personal consciousness. Although the present cycle of completion brings with it an opportunity for joy and harmony it must be initiated into your world in such a way that it stabilizes itself.

Since thinking is the basic factor that shapes destiny you must begin to review your thinking process. Realize that the consciousness of every stone, every plant, every animal, every event, and every human that has ever taken place works together as one energy and creates the core of destiny.

Two main aspects of destiny influence every soul on the planet. These are known as personal destiny and collective destiny. Personal destiny correlates to the life pattern of an individual soul and collective destiny is associated with the race and nation to which the soul belongs.

Although destiny has a specific purpose in ones life, how it is experienced is left up to the choice of the individual. Before an individual enters the earth plane the soul decides upon the growth experiences necessary to meet the needs of its evolution. The original intent of destiny always remains the same, but the free will of a person allows those experiences to be expanded upon.

As you view the world you live in realize that destiny is at hand. The suffering of many in certain parts of the world today is directly linked to the collective karma of that area. Collective destiny is an accumulation of past thoughts, words, and deeds performed by a specific group of people.

The suffering within your private world is linked to a personal destiny. Personal destiny has to do with past and present choices you have made. It represents your relationship with yourself and the planet you live on.

Speaking of the planet, please don't forget that the opportunities offered to mankind today are also being offered to mother earth. It would be wise to feed her nourishment on a daily basis so she too can transform into the beautiful place that she was intended to be.

I would also like to suggest that if you want to be of service to others start focusing on the light that lives within each persons heart and stop focusing on the problems that surround them.

For a very long time destiny has held you prisoner. Now you have the opportunity to complete a cycle in your growth process and move towards freedom. For this to occur there must be a sincere willingness within each individual to cross the threshold of ones personality and relinquish all egos based desires. Ego based desires represent anything that is thought, felt, or done, that does not honor equality, for equality is the virtue needed to enforce universal love on your planet.

Universal love means to detach from preferences. When a person has a preference for one thing over another, they create categories to place them in. Categories divide the whole into segments. In the golden age that is now approaching, oneness will be the unifying factor not division and separation.

(continued)

http://lilly2112.stumbleupon.com/review/22950774/

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:06:11 -0700

The Call Of Destiny (part 2)

You must understand that when you first entered the earth realm you were spirit manifesting into form. Spirit taking form in the physical sense had never been done before so the outcome of this experiment was unknown. Your intention was to create with love. Everyone was given a free will to create. Equality was the common thread that bound you together.

Unfortunately as time passed people started becoming competitive with their creative powers and forgot their original intention. You did not want to lose your original intention but the density of the physical form continually created challenges for you to deal with. Eventually these challenges distracted your consciousness from your original purpose on earth and polarity was born. Polarity prompted desire and desire prompted a need to return to the purity of love. The stronger the desire the deeper you fell into the abyss. One must understand that desire is a product of the ego personality. It is an emotional frustration with an agenda. Frustration is not love.

Eventually this gave birth to individuality and the illusion of self identity. Self identity encouraged self needs and eventually overshadowed Spirit's truth. This is turn manifested the power of preference, which reinforced the concepts of good, bad, right, and wrong.

Bound by polarity you began to experience limitation, restriction, and emotional bondage. When emotional bondage developed the need for reincarnation became apparent. The individual could not contain within its physical vehicle all the negativity that had been accumulated and eventually broke free from it through the death and birth process.

Presently you are being given the opportunity to recapture the light that you truly are. If you succeed, reincarnation will take on a different meaning for mankind. To accomplish this one must detach from their knowing and live for a time in the void of the unknowing. Living in the void reunites you with love and eliminates individual destiny. It would be wise not to get caught in all the information flooding the planet today. Too much mental input and not enough mental silence can prevent you from entering the void.

The void is a place where a person surrenders their self-centeredness and moves into Spiritual centeredness. It is a place where you detach from the biggest addiction you have, your knowledge. Each soul on the planet today is going through a transformational process. No one is excluded from this for everyone is equal in the eyes of spirit. If you believe that some people need to change their consciousness or wake up and get spiritual you are just feeding their amnesia.

It is important to understand that transformation means to let go of the self identity that you have held sacred for so long and worked so hard to attain. You must stand with humility and choose once again to honor the creative will of your Spirit. In this way the cycle of completion is stabilized on your planet and the purpose of destiny is accomplished. That purpose is and has always been the evolution of mankind's soul.

The Call of Destiny; Questions and Answers

Please explain what you mean by "let go of the self identity that you have held sacred for so long and worked so hard to attain." I thought that knowing our identities, and ourselves past and present, was important?

Knowing yes, attachment no. We refer here to the emotional attachment that an individual has to their identity. Emotional attachment blocks the flow of "becoming."

How can a person eliminate preferences from their mind?

When you have a preference stop focusing on it. Remember energy follows thought.

What is the reason for pain and suffering?

Both remind you that this is not your truth. The more you are reminded the more you remember love.

What can be done to eliminate my tendency to compete with others?

Simply live your dream and stop chasing it.

How can I detach from my knowledge?

Take one thought and look at it from different angles. Stand back from it, beside it, behind it, in front of it and then walk into it joyfully.

http://lilly2112.stumbleupon.com/review/22904697/

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 20:26:41 -0700

Forgiveness - What Is Forgiving?

"Come free of the net of right and wrong. Into the Twilight." ~ W. B. Yeats

Many of us, from our earliest childhood, are told that a good person forgives others. What we don't learn, though, is what true forgiveness means, and when we see forgiveness in practice, it often looks like this: "You're wrong, but I will tolerate you, because I'm right."

The net of right and wrong often entangles me. Sometimes I recognize this. I think of someone with whom I'm having difficulty, and I warm myself in the fire of self-righteousness. I am so right; the other person is so wrong.

When I'm comfortable in my protective net, I don't have to be afraid. I don't have to investigate other ways to look at the condition of a relationship. I don't have to take risks. I don't have to be uncertain. I don't have to worry about making mistakes. I don't have to change.

Right and wrong can also be a game, one I call the ping-pong game from hell. You will often see it being played in relationships, especially those which aren't in the best possible shape. Here's an example.

X: You always blame me for the smallest things. So what if I forgot to take out one bag of garbage? Does that mean I don't love you?

Y: It means you don't care about the things that are important to me.

X: Because the things that are important to you are stupid.

Y: Oh, really? And what's important to you? Who even knows? You only bother to speak to me when you get angry.

These two are skilled players. They can bounce the ball of right and wrong back and forth indefinitely.

Sometimes, though, one player wins. This can lead to a new game called forgiveness, in which one person is perpetually right, the other eternally wrong.

Being Right About Being Forgiving

Fred and Simon are business partners. Their company has lost money because of an unfortunate business decision Fred made. Simon, furious, threatens to dissolve the partnership.

Fred, who already feels like crawling beneath the nearest log and turning into mold, says he has learned from the mistake and will never make it again. In the future, he won't make that level of decision again without consulting with Simon.

This satisfies Simon, not so much because of Fred's promise, but because Fred has admitted he was wrong. This makes Simon feel even more right. He says he forgives Fred, but from time to time, whenever Fred contemplates a risky decision, Simon reminds him of his grave error in the past.

Ron and Sylvia are married. Ron, who was an active alcoholic for many years, has joined Alcoholics Anonymous and has been sober for six months. Sylvia has said she forgives him for the nights he didn't come home or came home drunk and broke and for his mental and sometimes physical abuse of her.

Secretly, though, she holds herself as a very good person to forgive someone who doesn't deserve it. Maybe she can forgive, but she can't forget how much she suffered. Ron was wrong, and she'll make sure he never forgets it, either.

The Forgiveness Trap

Too often, our practice of forgiveness masks an attitude of judgment. We only forgive those whose behavior we've already judged to be wrong. That judgment establishes us as being better. In most cases the forgiven person is feeling somehow condemned and the forgiver feels superior.

Often people believe they escape judgment by finding reasons for "forgiving" the other person. They may say, "Well, he had such an unhappy childhood," or "she's not spiritually evolved" (unlike guess-who?). This is a disguised way to say, "They will always be wrong." (continued..)