http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/ itpadmin's recent blog posts on StumbleUpon en-us Wed, 20 Aug 2008 23:28:50 -0700 Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:24:47 -0700 http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/ http://cdn.stumble-upon.com/images/logo_su_36x36.png Sat, 08 Dec 2007 05:35:53 -0800 http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/15052194/ http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/15052194/ wash my hands. There was a guy at the sink next to me. After
I had finished washing up I had an uncontrollable urge to
urinate. I chuckled at the thought of having to rewash as I
walked over to the urinal.

"Most people wash AFTER they've gone," he laughed.

"Not me," I replied. "This is a Pavlovian response to my
mother's tactic of running the water to get me to go pee when
I was young."

"Interesting," he said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, then she would blow me."]]> http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/15052194/ Mon, 17 Sep 2007 13:11:23 -0700 http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12703564/ http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12703564/ wife judge when to pull the chicken out of the oven.

When I found this recipe I thought it was perfect for those
who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is cooked
thoroughly but not dried out. Give this a try.

Baked Stuffed Chicken

6-7 lb chicken
1 c melted butter
1 c stuffing
1 c uncooked popcorn
salt & pepper to taste.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and pepper.
Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan
in the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's ass blows
out the oven door and flies across the room, the chicken is
done.]]> http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12703564/ Tue, 11 Sep 2007 11:03:34 -0700 http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12539202/ http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12539202/ the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said,
"This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often."

Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like
deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.]]> http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12539202/ Sat, 08 Sep 2007 05:50:04 -0700 http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12451553/ http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12451553/
+----------------- Bizarre Predictions -------------------+

"Radio has no future. Heavier-than-air flying machines are
impossible. X-rays will prove to be a hoax." - English
scientist William Thomson, Lord Kelvin, 1899

"Television won't matter in your lifetime or mine." - Radio
Times editor Rex Lambert, 1936

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their
home." - Ken Olson, president, chairman, and founder of
Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

"By 2000, the machines will be producing so much that every-
one in the U.S. will, in effect, be independently wealthy.
- Time Magazine, 1966

"An impractical sort of fad, and has no place in the
serious job of postal transportation." - Second Assistant
U.S. Postmaster General Paul Henderson on airmail, 1922

"It's a bad joke that won't last. Not with winter coming."
- Fashion designer CoCo Chanel on miniskirts, 1966

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." -
Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents,
1899

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" - H.M. Warner,
Warner Brothers, 1927

"You ought to go back to driving a truck." - Concert
manager, firing Elvis Presley in 1954

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way
out." - Decca Recording Co., rejecting the Beatles, 1962

"It doesn't matter what he does, he will never amount to
anything." - Albert Einstein's teacher to his father, 1895

------- Strippers find taker for carwash funds --------

INVER GROVE HEIGHTS, Minn. - A Minnesota veterans advocate
said he doesn't get why people would get into a lather
over accepting proceeds from a charitable carwash run by
strippers. In fact, Gary Gullickson, a Vietnam veteran,
said money raised when employees of the Kinds of Diamonds
club wash cars Saturday would be "heaven-sent," the St.
Paul Pioneer Press reported Friday. "They do it for
veterans and it comes from their heart," said Gullickson,
who will use the money to buy hams for more than 1,600
veterans living in veterans homes around Minnesota -- just
as he did last year. "These girls work hard for this money.
It's not like they're out there entertaining." Three years
ago, the King of Diamonds in the Twin Cities suburb of
Inver Grove Heights, tried to donate its carwash earnings
to an area high school, which which said thanks, but no
thanks. The inaugural charity fundraiser eventually were
donated to St. Paul minister who ran a program for at-risk
youth. In 2005, strippers donated the money to victims of
Hurricane Katrina.


-------- Suspected undies bandit under arrest ---------

LAS CRUSES, N.M. - A suspect in a string of Las Cruces, New
Mexico robberies has been charged with breaking into homes
and stealing, among other things, women's undies. Police
dubbed the thief "the serial lingerie bandit" because of
his proclivity for taking underwear, the El Paso (Texas)
Times reported Friday. The burglaries "were spread out
over the last two months," Las Cruces Police spokesman Dan
Trujillo said. "It could be more, and there could be other
victims out there." Although jailed on two burglary counts,
investigators said they suspect Martin Angel Moreno, 23,
broke into at least six homes to steal women's panties.
When searching the suspect's home, police found, among
other things, lingerie, DVDs, television sets and photos
of victims and their families. "We think (the photos are)
probably like a memento for him, an additional memento
beside the undergarments," Trujillo said.

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]]> http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12451553/ Thu, 30 Aug 2007 19:06:11 -0700 http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12232599/ http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12232599/ decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the
weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to head
south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and
he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.

A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow
thought it was the end. But the manure warmed him and defrosted
his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing.

Just then a large cat came by and investigated the sounds.
The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and
promptly ate him.

The moral of the story:

1. Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily
your friend.
3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your
mouth shut.]]> http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12232599/ Thu, 30 Aug 2007 19:03:33 -0700 http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12232550/ http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12232550/

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage,
hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it.
Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb
towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray
all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while,
another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the
other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when
another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys
will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage
and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana
and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all
of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and
attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will
be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace
it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is
attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment
with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey
with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.

Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is
attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no
idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why
they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining
monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless,
no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the
banana.

Why not?

Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been
done around here.]]> http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/12232550/ Mon, 06 Aug 2007 10:05:35 -0700 http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/11624113/ http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/11624113/
"We need to get rid of George," said the mouthpiece. "He's
entirely overpaid."

"Um, OK," came the nervous HR reply. "What should I
tell him?"

"Tell him the truth," said the ambulance chaser. "Tell him,
`when we gave you that raise we thought you were going to die
of prostate cancer within the year. Now that you're in remission
and going to live a normal length life, you're just too damn
expensive'."

"My God!" she gasped. "You're heartless."

"Well then, just put it in your own words."]]> http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/11624113/ Mon, 06 Aug 2007 09:59:19 -0700 http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/11624012/ http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/11624012/ same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to
require a hip replacement.

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the
same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The second sees his family doctor after waiting a week for an
appointment, then waits eight weeks to see a specialist, then
gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week, and
finally has his surgery scheduled for six weeks from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Golden Retriever.

The second is a Senior Citizen.]]> http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/11624012/ Mon, 30 Jul 2007 09:30:41 -0700 http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/11459382/ http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/11459382/
+-------------- Bizarre Newspaper Headlines ---------------+

Cause of AIDS Found - Scientists

Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit

City May Impose Mandatory Time for Prostitution

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe

Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One

Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy

Why You Want Sex Changes With Age

Boys Cause As Many Pregnancies As Girls

Cemetery Allows People to be Buried by Their Pets

Man Held Over Giant L.A. Brush Fire

Antique Stripper to Demonstrate Wares at Store

Sudden Rush to Help People Out of Work

Deadline Passes for Striking Police


-------- It wasn't a chocolate bar in the pool ---------

FARGO, N.D. - A large municipal swimming pool in Fargo,
N.D., was reopened Wednesday a day after pranksters threw
a bag of dog dung into it in sweltering temperatures. Early
Wednesday, a swim team arrived for practice at the Island
Park pool and found the mess, the Fargo Forum reported
Thursday. Dave Klundt, the assistant director of parks and
recreation, was called and the doors were ordered locked as
maintenance workers set about cleaning up the solids, the
report said. Then, the pool that can hold 1,200 people was
super-chlorinated, which requires at least 12 hours to
dissipate to the point where people can safely enter the
water. The combined heat and humidity index measured 106
degrees on Wednesday, and Klundt said while vandals might
think it was funny, "they don't understand that they're
displacing a lot of people on a hot day." Police have asked
the public for any information in the investigation, the
report said.


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Subscribe]]> http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/11459382/ Mon, 25 Jun 2007 11:44:31 -0700 http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/10659936/ http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/10659936/
A boy pauses. "None," he replied thoughtfully.

"No, no, no, let's try again," the teacher says patiently. She holds up three fingers.

"There are three birds sitting on a wire. A hunter shoots one," she puts down one finger,

"how many birds are left on the wire?"

"None!" the boy says with authority.

The teacher sighs. "Tell me how you came up with that."

"It's simple," says the boy, "after the gunman shot one bird, he scared the other two away.

Well," she says, "it's not technically correct, but I like the way you think."

"Okay," chimes the boy, "now let me ask you a question. There are three women sitting on a bench eating popsicles. One woman is licking the popsicle, one woman is biting the popsicle, and one is sucking the popsicle. Which one is married?" he asked.

The teacher looked at the boy's angelic face and she writhed in agony, turning three shades of red.

"C'mon," the boy said impatiently, "One is licking the popsicle, one is biting and one is sucking. Which one is married?

"well," she gulped and in a barely audible whisper replied, "the one who's sucking?"

"No," he says with surprise, "the one with the wedding ring on. But I likethe way you think!"]]> http://itpadmin.stumbleupon.com/review/10659936/