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Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:27:36 -0700

C.S. Lewis quote
"The safest road to Hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts"

http://halcyonbill.stumbleupon.com/review/8510782/

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 11:26:56 -0700

Part of the interview between Gustave Gilbert and Hermann Goering, Hitler's right hand man, during the Nuremberg Nazi war crime trials April 18, 1946.

Goering:"Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

Welcome to modern Northern Irish politics.

http://halcyonbill.stumbleupon.com/review/22648543/

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 15:52:36 -0700

Capitalism and Cows

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them world-wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC -- You have 2 cows. You shred all documents that Enron has any cows, take 2 cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows, and attest that Enron has 9 cows.

http://halcyonbill.stumbleupon.com/review/19059090/

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 18:42:43 -0700

SUE CSS

http://halcyonbill.stumbleupon.com/review/19059063/

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 18:41:26 -0700

SUE CSS

http://halcyonbill.stumbleupon.com/review/16505972/

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 06:16:28 -0800

Panicked Sheep
"In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upwardly mobile--and the rest of us are fucked until we can put our acts together: not necessarily to win, but mainly to keep from losing completely. We owe that to ourselves and our crippled self-image as something better than a nation of panicked sheep."
--The Great Shark Hunt, 1979

http://halcyonbill.stumbleupon.com/review/14867072/

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 11:52:41 -0800

A small contribution, with thanks to Sweet-sassy.
The Mental Health Dept. Answering Machine

Which one are you?

Subject:
Re: A new answering machine for our times. A transcript of the new
answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute:

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press
-no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If
you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If
you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

http://halcyonbill.stumbleupon.com/review/14557057/

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 09:22:15 -0800

10 Harsh Things To Say To A Naked Guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.

http://halcyonbill.stumbleupon.com/review/14267268/

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 16:10:16 -0800

SUE CSS

http://halcyonbill.stumbleupon.com/review/14234775/

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 14:36:41 -0800

THE PIG!
by
Benjamin Hapgood Burt

performed
by
Frank Crumit

One evening in October,
When I was one-third sober,
An' taking home a `load' with manly pride;
My poor feet began to stutter,
So I lay down in the gutter,
And a pig came up an' lay down by my side;

Then we sang `It's all fair weather
When good fellows get together,'
Till a lady passing by was heard to say:
`You can tell a man who "boozes"
By the company he chooses'
And the pig got up and slowly walked away.

As the pig got up and slowly walked away,
Slowly walked away, slowly walked away,
As the pig got up and he turned and winked at me
As he slowly walked away.

I also well remember,
An evening in November,
When I was creeping home at break of day,
For in my exhilaration,
I engaged in conversation,
With a cab horse on the corner of Broadway.

I was filled up to the eyeballs,
With a flock of gin and highballs,
So I whispered to the cab horse old and grey,
'It's these all-night homeward marches,
Give us both our fallen arches',
And the cab horse laughed and slowly walked away.

As the old horse laughed and slowly walked away,
Slowly walked away, he slowly walked away,
And the old horse laughed and it turned and winked at me
As he slowly walked away
As he slowly walked away.

Last two verses courtesy of Ray Smith