StumbleUpon | gridsmashervet's blog posts

http://gridsmashervet.stumbleupon.com/review/28526579/

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 05:43:27 -0800

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http://gridsmashervet.stumbleupon.com/review/28355946/

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 12:35:29 -0800

A man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

St. Peter asks, "Religion?"

"Methodist," the man says.

St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."

Another man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

"Religion?"

"Baptist."

"Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."

A third man arrives at the gates.

"Religion?"

"Jewish."

"Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."

The man says, "I can understand there being Different rooms for different religions, but why must we all be quiet when we pass Room 8?"

"Well, the Catholics are in Room 8," St. Peter replies, "and they think they're the only ones here."

http://gridsmashervet.stumbleupon.com/review/28282413/

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 04:44:56 -0800

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half fertile and naturally
beautiful.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to
trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and confident
of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, aging gently, but still a warm
and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a proud, glorious
and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is more like Israel. She has been through
wars. Doesn't make the same mistakes twice.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self serving, takes care of
business. but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes like Tibet, with a mysterious past, and the wisdom
of the ages. Only those with an open spirit and a thirst for spiritual
knowledge dare visit there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN?
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran. Ruled by Nuts. That's just the way
it is.
--

Those who can make you believe absurdities,
can make you commit atrocities.
- Voltaire -

http://gridsmashervet.stumbleupon.com/review/27711734/

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:07:44 -0800

I Am Thankful For...

* For the teenager who is not doing dishes but is watching TV, because that means he is at home and not on the streets.

* For the taxes I pay, because it means that I am employed.

* For the mess to clean after a party, because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.

* For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means I have enough to eat.

* For my shadow that watches me work, because it means I am out in the sunshine.

* For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it means I have a home.

* For all the complaining I hear about the government, because it means that we have freedom of speech.

* For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot, because it means I am capable of walking, and that I have been blessed with transportation.

* For my huge heating bill, because it means I am warm.

* For the lady behind me in my place of worship when she sings off key, because it means that I can hear.

* For the pile of laundry and ironing, because it means I have clothes to wear.

* For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I have been capable of working hard.

* For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours, because it means that I am alive.

and finally....

* For too much e-mail, because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.

http://gridsmashervet.stumbleupon.com/review/27603503/

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 09:35:33 -0800

U.S. World War II Veteran warns of similarities between today's America and Nazi Germany

by Jack Aiken Lancaster

I am 81 years old and a veteran of World War II. I remember what the Nazi's were doing in Germany very well. Here in America our government is getting dangerously close to acting just like the Nazi's were in Germany and the Germans were doing it for 'better security' as we are doing.

The Germans got more and more paranoid (of their own people) and began watching all Germans and tightened security, and made Germans carry and show identity papers whenever the police and soldiers wanted to see them. They had German kids telling on their parents. It was a horror.

We are starting down the same path. The excuse is that we need to do this to protect our Citizens but the trouble is more and more of our freedoms are going and we are beginning to be like a gigantic outdoor prison.

It is not like the America I love and fought for. I fought for the freedom of Americans and not for a selfish "United States of Corporations" which is more interested in money and power than it is in the People of America.

I don't look and see a kindly Uncle Sam anymore. I see a bullying Big Brother. Sorry to be so blunt but it is how I feel....

http://gridsmashervet.stumbleupon.com/review/27431305/

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 02:04:34 -0800

Dr. Seuss Explains Computers:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot it and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, your system's gonna hang.

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, when you have to flash your memory and try to RAM your ROM, quickly turn off the computer and be sure to call your Mom!!

http://gridsmashervet.stumbleupon.com/review/27430420/

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 01:09:29 -0800

An Open Letter to President-elect Obama

Dear Mr. President-elect,

As a Constitutional Scholar, you will probably not need this reminder, but I pass it on none-the-less. Remember the oath that you take, to "Protect and defend the Constitution of the United States." - To your predecessor, that meant no more than shred and flush a "goddamned piece of paper,"- which should have brought on an impeachment in istelf.

All We the People asked, when we elected a Democratic majority in 2006 was to have the Constitution replaced, intact and functioning, in the Halls of Government, to end the illegal wars and impeach the war criminals that prosecuted them, to bring the war profiteers to heel and curb the runaway Pentagon.

None of that happened. The war criminals are still in power, the military, the wars, and the war profiteers are still raping the nation. Hundreds of Billions of more dollars have been spent Thousands are still dying or being forced from their homes in Iraq and Afghanistan.

We the People expect you, of all people, to take your oath of office seriously. It would be nice if, in your first address to Congress and the Senate, you remind them of their oath, and insist that they take it seriously also.

With our Constitution and Bill of Rights back in the Halls of Government, there is nothing we, as a nation, cannot handle and survive.

With the Constitution and Bill of Rights supplanted by the various enabling acts of the Cheney/Bush government, the mis-named Patriot Act, the Military Commissions Act, and the various other domestic spying and surveillance acts that have proliferated in the last eight years, the numerous treaties (Constitutionally the "Law of the Land") that we have abrogated, we have been reduced to the status of a rogue, third-world dictatorship. We use the bayonet instead of diplomacy. We starve those who do not submit to us, we kill them, we subvert them.

Our police routinely beat and jail those who protest these policies. Posse Comitatus has been eliminated and NorthCom is poised to launch seasoned combat brigades against We the People who may protest this disintegration.

I just want to remind you, as an individual of We the People, to remember the Constitution you vow to protect and defend and make sure it is the rule and guide of our conduct as a nation instead of a quaint piece of history locked away in a restroom somewhere next to the shredder.

We wish you the best of luck in restoring our nation, but We the People will be watching all of you very closely to see that Government does not revert to "business as usual,"- with the lobbyists and special interests calling in their markers to keep the wars and the chaos going and the pork and money trough full.

Sincerely,
Steve and Adrienne Osborn
Citizens

http://gridsmashervet.stumbleupon.com/review/26849044/

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 09:19:36 -0700

A few minutes before the church services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute." returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity??" persisted Satan.

"Yep." was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?!" asked Satan.

"Nope."

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me? "

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

http://gridsmashervet.stumbleupon.com/review/26817564/

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 06:56:42 -0700

The story of the butterfly

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours
as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped, as if it couldn't go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and
snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.
The butterfly emerged easily but
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it,
expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge
and expand enough to support the body,
Neither happened!
In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling around.
It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness
and haste did not understand:
The restricting cocoon and the struggle
required by the butterfly to get through the opening
was a way of forcing the fluid from the body
into the wings so that it would be ready
for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly
what we need in our lives.
Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us.
We will not be as strong as we could have been
and we would never fly.

So have a nice day and struggle a little and teach well.

http://gridsmashervet.stumbleupon.com/review/26721823/

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 11:06:55 -0700

Quotes taken from Actual Federal Employee Performance Evaluations

* Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig..
* I would not allow this employee to breed.
* This employee is not really so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.
* Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
* When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
* He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
* This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
* He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
* This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
* This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
* Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
* A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
* He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
* I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
* He's been working with glue too much.
* He would argue with a sign post.
* He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
* When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
* If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.
* A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
* A prime candidate for natural de-selection
* Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
* Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
* Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
* If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
* If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
* If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
* It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
* One neuron short of a synapse.
* Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
* Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
* The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.