StumbleUpon | camelot2302's blog posts

http://camelot2302.stumbleupon.com/review/5058903/

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 02:17:23 -0700

The Ultimate Scottish joke

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.

For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time you let me poot me hand on your leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Angus blurted out, "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"

http://camelot2302.stumbleupon.com/review/4229062/

Sun, 21 May 2006 11:00:49 -0700

Right now, I am "surviving" (for the want of a better word). The pysch hospital is nearing the end of their tether as all conventional treatments are failing, the pills I am on are working one day and failing the next, I am getting a grand total of about 3 hours of sleep a night (out of a total of 8 hours in bed).....

I have good work at the moment which pays well but everything is such a struggle. All I want to do every day is lie in bed and read my books. But I have to get up, clean the place and do some work. I am plodding from one day to the next. It's May 21st today - where did the past 5 months disappear to? It was Christmas 2005 the other day!

Oh well, my friend arrives next week from the Netherlands. I have known her for 17 years and she is my best friend. I haven't seen her for 3 years and I can't wait for her to arrive. She always cheers me up. She's staying for 5 days. My girlfriend and I were thinking for a while of dropping everything spontaneously and driving to Italy when my friend arrives. But we figured it was too far away for just a few days. So we'll just go to some places in Germany instead. I think the break will do me good.

http://camelot2302.stumbleupon.com/review/4171979/

Mon, 15 May 2006 09:57:21 -0700

Right now I am quite busy and my income is not too bad at the moment but it isn't stuff I really want to do. I want to be doing more creative writing and investigative journalism. Instead I am writing dry and boring stuff, corporate assignments and so forth, etc which is all well and good and it pays the bills but I am dying a slow lingering death, mentally speaking. I want to free up more time to get something more interesting down on paper. I have a murder mystery story which is slowly taking shape in my head and I have a few ideas for perhaps writing a historical biography or two. There's one company which I am really enjoying working for in a freelance capacity but the other corporate assignments are lacking in the excitement department.

Yesterday, I finished reading "The Knife Man" which was about a 18th century doctor called John Hunter. He was Scottish and he basically invented modern medicine / surgery as we know it today. He was personal surgeon to King George III and Surgeon-General of the British Army. He bought corpses from graverobbers and did anatomy lessons on them, he opened the first medical school, he was the world's foremost expert on human and animal anatomy. He was the first to advocate autopsies on dead people (he performed the world's first autopsy) and he did early versions of defibrillation (electric shocking the heart to get it going) and artificial insemination for couples desperate to have children. Remember this was the 18th century when they still thought leeches were the best medical cure around......I was totally fascinated by the book and now I want to write a historical biography of my own. Just not sure who yet.

At the end of the month, my best friend from the Netherlands is coming for 5 days so I will take time off then. I want to take her to Nuernberg and to Neuschwanstein Castle. My girlfriend and I are also planning our trip to Rome for November.

http://camelot2302.stumbleupon.com/review/4171928/

Mon, 15 May 2006 09:51:04 -0700

Part of the reason I am an English teacher is because it's such a good laugh. I know I shouldn't laugh at my students but sometimes they just come out with something totally unbelievable.

For example, I was showing a picture of someone waving and I was trying to teach the verb "to wave". I didn't tell the student that the word was "wave". I showed him the picture of the guy waving and asked him to tell me what the guy in the picture was doing. Now instead of looking in a dictionary (which would be the logical thing to do), this student decided to make a wild stab in the dark, arguing to himself that he probably had the word lurking in the back of his brain someplace and all he had to do was say the first word that came to his mind and the correct word would miraculously pop out. He was hesitating so I decided to be a nice guy and give him the first letter - W. As soon as he heard the letter "W", he looked at me and said "is it wanking?"

At this point, I cracked. I was like a dam where the cracks slowly appear and then explode. A few seconds passed while his words passed through my thought processes and finally to the part of my brain that processes humour. Then I burst. I laughed so hard the tears were rolling down my face. When he asked me what was funny, I told him the real meaning of "wank" and his face turned a bright red - "oh, so that's what the word means.....I've always wondered".

Another student of mine was doing a business presentation in English and he had to translate the German text into English. The correctly translated sentence should have been "the customer is guaranteed a thorough installation" but instead he wrote "the customer is guaranteed a thorough mounting". When I had picked myself off the floor and told him what "mounting" could mean, he changed it to "the customer is guaranteed a thorough handling". At this point, I was calling the doctor for a sedative.