StumbleUpon | alicia27's blog posts

http://alicia27.stumbleupon.com/review/30466916/

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 10:27:33 -0800

Hey, all my buddies! Sorry I've been gone so long. It's been a crazy time! Drove to Cali... was the craziest trip ever... driving a huge Budget truck, hauling a trailer with my car... oh what fun... not! lol But, made it safe and sound... finally got my computer hooked up, and, "the dust is starting to settle", as my Dad says! Soooo glad to be back online!!!

http://alicia27.stumbleupon.com/review/29052196/

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 23:50:04 -0800

http://alicia27.stumbleupon.com/review/28959301/

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 22:11:21 -0800

http://alicia27.stumbleupon.com/review/28932615/

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 22:32:53 -0800

The love story of Ralph and Edna...

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't

mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both

patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph

suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool

and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the

bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she

immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now

considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news

and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were

able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the

life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays

sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his Bathrobe

belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How

soon can I go home?'

Happy Mental Health Day!

You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an unstable

friend...

Done my part!!!

http://alicia27.stumbleupon.com/review/28822129/

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:21:20 -0800

http://alicia27.stumbleupon.com/review/28717354/

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 10:03:53 -0800

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not

produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the

Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which

stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them

were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were

out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards

cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were

scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a

shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves

had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration,

he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of

little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the

broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the

broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,

yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big

Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a

lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me

to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

http://alicia27.stumbleupon.com/review/28711127/

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:18:54 -0800

Be sure to check out my new blog!

http://alicia27-lifeorsomethinglikeit.blogspot.com/

Work from home opportunities, surveys, freebies, humor and more!

http://alicia27.stumbleupon.com/review/28711106/

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:17:31 -0800

R Rated Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb.

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb

It ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its arse

And turned its wool to nylon.

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white and wispy.

Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease

And now it's black and crispy.

Mary had a little skirt

With splits right up the sides

And everywhere that Mary went

The boys could see her thighs.

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went into town

To fetch some chips and sweeties.

He can't keep his heart rate down

And she's got diabetes.

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.
�
Jack made a pass

And grabbed her ass

Now two of his teeth are missing.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man,

'What have you got there?'

Said the pie man unto Simon,

'Pies, you dumb ass'

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again..

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

The structure of the wall was incorrect

So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock..

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.

It's Raining, It's Pouring.

Oh shit, it's Global Warming.

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

http://alicia27.stumbleupon.com/review/28658342/

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 21:24:13 -0800

too funny not to share... just read some of them and you will know which ones remind me of YOU!!!

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan ...

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . .

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Have a Merry Christmas and have a happy new Year anyway.

My, you're getting old!

http://alicia27.stumbleupon.com/review/28647950/

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 13:30:55 -0800

Be sure to check out my new blog!

http://alicia27-lifeorsomethinglikeit.blogspot.com/

Work from home opportunities, surveys, freebies, humor and more!