StumbleUpon | Orfie's blog posts

http://Orfie.stumbleupon.com/review/37153458/

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:56:20 -0700

http://Orfie.stumbleupon.com/review/35632241/

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 20:52:23 -0700

I swore I wouldn't celebrate this anniversary, but Borderline, who shares same with me gave me the inspiration to do it.

It's been a good ride, but at times has tested my resilience. Apparently I hang out here from some sort of addiction. I quit, I come back. I quit, I come back. I quit, I come back.
I need a better drug, but can't seem to find one.

If I've in some way pissed someone off in my travels... you know who you are and have either forgiven my transgression through lengthy talks or clamored away from me.

I can think of two or three good people that were good friends of mine, and I'd love to connect with them again.
Old wars are just that.
In the past.

I wish I had the nutz to tell them.

http://Orfie.stumbleupon.com/review/32894768/

Sun, 17 May 2009 20:17:51 -0700

I think LC wants me to come back with a bang. :P

http://Orfie.stumbleupon.com/review/27891023/

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 05:07:30 -0800

Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes: Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread. Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it. Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either. I am thankful.

HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE THANKSGIVING

http://Orfie.stumbleupon.com/review/27597262/

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 05:39:59 -0800

I've used "sexy" avatars for six years; because my friends have come to expect them. If you've stopped by to have a look, I welcome you, but if you leave cryptic fanatical messages expecting a reply, don't get yer britches in a wad if I don't reply. I'm here for friends and stumbling; not to engage in some lunatic conversation with weirdos looking for a good time.
You won't find any porn here, and I don't do bullshit.

http://Orfie.stumbleupon.com/review/27519111/

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 18:59:48 -0800

Snerk

http://Orfie.stumbleupon.com/review/27172026/

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 07:10:59 -0800

Brilliant Victory

So, the deed's done and we'll have to live with it for at least the next four years.
I'm off to stick my left tit in the Veg-O-Matic.
It can't hurt any worse.

http://Orfie.stumbleupon.com/review/26769388/

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 18:22:29 -0700

To lose something you love is to alter your life forever. You don't get over it because it is the thing you loved. The pain stops, there are new things, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of something which mattered enough to grieve over leaves a hole in my heart the shape of it and no other thing can fit.
Why would I want it to?

http://Orfie.stumbleupon.com/review/26379035/

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 11:23:50 -0700

Oops.

http://Orfie.stumbleupon.com/review/25447622/

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 17:52:14 -0700