StumbleUpon | MyndzAye's blog posts

http://MyndzAye.stumbleupon.com/review/8206278/

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 21:35:45 -0800

Little Bruce & Jenny...

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then, how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance...Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well, Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

http://MyndzAye.stumbleupon.com/review/8156343/

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 13:12:13 -0800

After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.

Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix-up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.

Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address. His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly preacher's wife whose even older husband had died only the day before!

When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead. Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:

Dearest wife,

Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.

-Your loving husband.

PS - Things are not as we thought. You're going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.

http://MyndzAye.stumbleupon.com/review/8110963/

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 08:17:54 -0800

Alligator Shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

http://MyndzAye.stumbleupon.com/review/8080513/

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 15:48:11 -0800

Read the all the way through and then re-read the last phrase ... wait for it to sink in.. and then GROAN

Historians have recently discovered that Annie Oakley, famed sharp-shooter of the Old West, had a sister. The sister, Carrie, gained some renown in her day as a singer in various saloons throughout the West, but it was not until after her death that she was very widely known. Today, countless bars are dedicated to Carrie Oakley.

http://MyndzAye.stumbleupon.com/review/8080223/

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 15:30:34 -0800

Only part of this story is true, but it makes for a fun read!

....Just when you think there's no justice. A news article from a Florida Newspaper:

"When Nathan Radlich's house was burgled, thieves left his TV, his VCR, and even left his watch. What they did take was a "generic white cardboard box filled with grayish-white powder." (That, at least, is the way the police described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said, "that it looked similar to cocaine, and they probably thought they had hit the big time."

Then Nathan stood in front of the TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars, "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago."

Well, the next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep.

The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained.

And there was this note. It said, "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day.

http://MyndzAye.stumbleupon.com/review/8013708/

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 20:44:05 -0800

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she had selected the following items:

* A half-gallon of 2% milk
* A half carton of eggs
* A quart of orange juice
* A small head of romaine lettuce
* A 2-pound can of coffee
* And a 1-pound package of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

http://MyndzAye.stumbleupon.com/review/7720100/

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 08:29:26 -0800

They weren't married

A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

http://MyndzAye.stumbleupon.com/review/7515580/

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 11:11:30 -0800

The First Time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.

Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?

http://MyndzAye.stumbleupon.com/review/7497146/

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 09:01:27 -0800

The Mall Machine

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is this father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady limping slightly with a cane slowly walked up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walked between them and into a small room. The walls closed and as the boy and his father watched, small circles of light with numbers lighted up above the wall. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction, and then the walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."

http://MyndzAye.stumbleupon.com/review/7497059/

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 08:54:01 -0800

Negotiations

The prime minister of Israel sits down with Arafat at the beginning of negotiations regarding the resolution of the conflict. Prime Minister Sharon requests that he be allowed to begin with a story.

Arafat replies, "Of course."

The prime minister begins his story: "Years before the Israelites came to the Promised Land and settled here, Moses led them for 40 years through the desert. The Israelites began complaining that they were thirsty, and, lo and behold, a miracle occurred and a stream appeared before them. They drank their fill and then decided to take advantage of the stream to do some bathing - including Moses. When Moses came out of the water, he found that all his clothing was missing.

"'Who took my clothes?' Moses asked those around him.

"'It was the Palestinians,' replied the Israelites."

"Wait a minute," objected Arafat immediately, "there were no Palestinians during the time of Moses!"

"All right," replied the prime minister. "Now that we've got that settled, let's begin our negotiations."