StumbleUpon | LongBraid's blog posts

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Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:52:06 -0700

I got this today from my friend & neighbor Sharon & I just had to share it! Hope you all get a chuckle out of it. Whoever Photoshopped this did a fantastic job!

Who are you voting for in '08?

http://LongBraid.stumbleupon.com/review/19460974/

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:37:55 -0700

I would not be caught dead (pun intended) in a plane that lands in any of these places!!

http://LongBraid.stumbleupon.com/review/19399711/

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:37:23 -0700

A little humor for to today courtesy of one of my stumble friends: http://akaginajudd.stumbleupon.com/archive/10/

The President's Puzzle

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees President Bush whooping and hollering.

"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

http://LongBraid.stumbleupon.com/review/19111145/

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 12:03:18 -0700

A little Paint Shop Pro montage for today, by LongBraid... can you hear Judy Garland singing?

http://LongBraid.stumbleupon.com/review/18982957/

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:29:04 -0700

Aren't we taking the term "catfish" a bit too seriously? lol

http://LongBraid.stumbleupon.com/review/18836454/

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 10:09:49 -0700

Some inspiration for today from this wonderful, inspiting Buddhist website http://www.amtbweb.org/. You'll find lots more like this, as well as other Buddhist wisdom there...

http://LongBraid.stumbleupon.com/review/18741111/

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 10:09:35 -0700

A study in Black & White

http://LongBraid.stumbleupon.com/review/18969973/

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 06:35:38 -0700

Humans as Pets (from a cat's perspective) - part 1

For us cats there are several sweet advantages in having a human as a pet. However, remember you are taking on a big responsibility when you adopt one. Humans are demanding pets that need daily care & attention. With responsibility comes both advantages & disadvantages.

If you adopt a human you must get used to spending time at home. Your human doesn't deal well with being left alone, they'll get into all sorts of mischief.

For example, if you are gone just two days you run the risk of seeing posters put up all over the neighborhood. Your human will put out an APB on you! Often it will expose all sorts of personal details & is usually accompanied by an unflattering photo of you, the kind of thing that attracts ridicule from all the neighbor cats! So consider carefully if you are ready for life with humans. Also remember humans generally grow very old, so it's almost certain that you'll spend the rest of your life them.

Entertaining your Human

The litter box provides a great opportunity for entertaining your human. Naturally there is all the fun your human can have cleaning & scooping out the box, as well as going to the pet store for fresh litter. Utilize your litter box time in the best way possible by making artistic renderings of countries, well-known islands or portraits of family & friends. Your human will have lots of fun guessing what you made.

Shed Hair Freely

Make it a priority to shed indoors on appropriate surfaces. Fleece is a particularly good material to shed on. All you need to do is pass close by your human when he or she is wearing fleece & all cat hair within a radius of two feet from will immediately be transferred to your human. No brushing necessary for several days!

Another fun activity is playing in the filled clothes hamper. Jump in & give all contents a good work over. An extra bonus is that most cat hairs will survive a trip to the washing machine. Your human will be stylishly accessorized with cat hair on all outfits.

Wangling Extra Food

Whenever your human is in the kitchen, you have a prime opportunity of getting an extra snack. When your human is busy at the kitchen counter place yourself in your humans blind angle (just behind the ankle is usually a good spot). The second your human moves one or both feet you jump back screaming your most heart-wrenching cry. Your human will automatically assume that he/she stepped on you. When your human looks back to see what happened, look up at him/her with a painful expression on your face (practice this beforehand in front of a mirror). Your human's bad conscience will often result an edible apology.

Grass Etiquette

Before you eat grass, make sure you're near a suitable place to throw up. Delicate furniture fabrics, precious carpets & shoes are all good places. If you choose furniture, aim for the part that has non-removable fabric & make sure you back up a step or two so that you cover the largest area possible. Another technique is to do several items with pauses inbetween. Persian carpets will provide a good camouflage effect & your little gift will often not be discovered until somebody steps in it.

Watching TV

When your human is relaxing & watching TV, make sure that you always position yourself between the TV & your human by sitting on the coffee table for example. You can also lie on the TV & and let you tail or paws swing down in front of the screen. This can be fun with a computer screen too. Flat monitor screens often leave a lot of empty space on the desk, so just get up in front of it to remind your human of how wonderful you are. For good measure, step on a few keys on the keyboard or play with the mouse.

http://LongBraid.stumbleupon.com/review/18969986/

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 06:35:26 -0700

Humans as Pets (from a cat's perspective)- part 2

Closed Doors

Under no circumstances accept closed doors that separate you from your human. You have a right to know what your human is doing at all times. If you encounter a closed door, loud meows & scratching on the door should be sufficient to get your human's attention. If this is ignored you need to take more drastic measures, such as making a sound like you're going to throw up, this will always result in your human's immediate presence.

Sleeping Time

It is important for us cats to prioritize our sleeping time. The objective is to get as much sleep as possible while your human is awake. Then you'll be well rested & bushy-tailed at night when it is your job to keep your human awake. There is the classical "play with toes" approach which requires you to attack everything that moves under the covers. You can also reenact highlights from last year's Grand National Steeplechase by repeatedly galloping across the bed & throw in a couple of loud meows for good measure.

Bad Weather

Even in bad weather, it's necessary to go outside. The rain & wet ground will result in an unpleasant layer of dirt & mud on your paws. However, this can easily be dried off on certain indoor spots such as a light colored carpet, a bed quilt or nice a piece of furniture. Be sure to walk over the area a couple of times. When your paw tracks are almost invisible, you'll know your paws are clean & you're ready to go outside again.

Training your Human

Keep in mind that the human intellect is relatively limited & it can be difficult for them to understand our wishes & needs. Even after approximately 5,000 years of domestication, it does take time to train your human completely. One of the first things you need to teach your human is to open the front door, the garden door & backdoor when required. This is done by walking up to a door & making an impatient & very loud meow. When your human has gotten up from the couch & opened the door, that's when you decide that you really don't need to go outside right now. Just for appearances, you can stand by the open door & pretend that you are thinking about the situation for a few seconds before turning around to go inside again. Repeat this procedure several times a day, this will keep your human in good door opening form.

Inspection of the House

A house has unlimited possibilities for suitable sleeping spots. Every possibility should be investigated & tested. Cardboard boxes, cupboards, drawers, couches & beds are just a few obvious places, but places such as old slippers or open gym bags should not be overlooked. The house should further be investigated for all possible toys. An old sock can represent several hours of entertainment for you or if you get your claw on the loose end of a ball of yarn you can unravel a couple of miles worth of it. Your human will love to tidy up after your playtime, so be sure to take advantage of all the playtime you can think of.

With frequent & diligent application of all these tips, you'll have your human trained in no time at all!

http://LongBraid.stumbleupon.com/review/18941854/

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 10:55:18 -0700

Some humor for today...