StumbleUpon | JTGuthrie's blog posts

http://JTGuthrie.stumbleupon.com/review/18942310/

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 11:10:41 -0700

Sorry, friends, but Stumble Upon has really messed up my pages!� I have no other choice than to start all over again. My NEW S.U. website will be under "Jim Large Bear".� If you want to email me, I'll have to write a new blog and give you all the details.

Jim Guthrie (JTGuthrie)

http://JTGuthrie.stumbleupon.com/review/17170069/

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 12:28:23 -0800

Did you ever wonder where the phrase, "Killroy was here"?� I was emailed with the answer:

KILROY WAS HERE!

In 1946 the American Transit Association, through its radio program, "Speak to America," sponsored a nationwide contest to find the REAL Kilroy, offering a prize of a real trolley car to the person who could prove himself to be the genuine article. Almost 40 men stepped forward to make that claim, but only James Kilroy from Halifax, Mass. had evidence of his identity.

Kilroy was a 46-year old shipyard worker during the war. He worked as a checker at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy. His job was to go around and check on the number of rivets completed. Riveters were on piecework and got paid by the rivet. Kilroy would count a block of rivets and put a check mark in semi-waxed lumber chalk, so the rivets wouldn't be counted twice. When Kilroy went off duty, the riveters would erase the mark. Later on, an off-shift inspector would come through and count the rivets a second time, resulting in double pay for the riveters.

One day Kilroy's boss called him into his office. The foreman was upset about all the wages being paid to riveters, and asked him to investigate. It was then that he realized what had been going on. The tight spaces he had to crawl in to check the rivets didn't lend themselves to lugging around a paint can and brush, so Kilroy decided to stick with the waxy chalk. He continued to put his checkmark on each job he inspected, but added KILROY WAS HERE in king-sized letters next to the check, and eventually added the sketch of the chap with the long nose peering over the fence and that became part of the Kilroy message. Once he did that, the riveters stopped trying to wipe away his marks.

Ordinarily the rivets and chalk marks would have been covered up with paint. With war on, however, ships were leaving the Quincy Yard so fast that there wasn't time to paint them. As a result, Kilroy's inspection "trademark" was seen by thousands of servicemen who boarded the troopships the yard produced. His message apparently rang a bell with the servicemen, because they picked it up and spread it all over Europe and the South Pacific. Before the war's end, "Kilroy" had been here, there, and everywhere on the long haul to Berlin and Tokyo.

To the unfortunate troops outbound in those ships, however, he was a complete mystery; all they knew for sure was that some jerk named Kilroy had "been there first." As a joke, U.S. servicemen began placing the graffiti wherever they landed, claiming it was already there when they arrived.

Kilroy became the U.S. super-GI who had always "already been" wherever GIs went. It became a challenge to place the logo in the most unlikely places imaginable (it is said to be atop Mt. Everest, the Statue of Liberty, the underside of the Arch De Triumphe, and even (supposedly) scrawled in the dust on the moon).

And as the war went on, the legend grew. Underwater demolition teams routinely sneaked ashore on Japanese-held islands in the Pacific to map the terrain for the coming invasions by U.S. troops (and thus, presumably, were the first GI's there). On one occasion, however, they reported seeing enemy troops painting over the Kilroy logo! In 1945, an outhouse was built for the exclusive use of Roosvelt, Stalin, and Churchill at the Potsdam conference. The first person inside was Stalin, who emerged and asked his aide (in Russian), "Who is Kilroy?" ...

To help prove his authenticity in 1946, James Kilroy brought along officials from the shipyard and some of the riveters. He won the trolley car, which he gave it to his nine children as a Christmas gift and set it up as a playhouse in the Kilroy front yard in Halifax, Mass.

So now You Know!

http://JTGuthrie.stumbleupon.com/review/17096292/

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:50:30 -0800

Hi fellow Stumblers!� This joke came to me through my home�email, from one of my�friends in San Diego...

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a "Thank You" card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a "Thank You" card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a "Thank You" card and a dozen different books, such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful".

Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.�

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
�� *�� *�� *
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.

Vote VERY carefully this year!

http://JTGuthrie.stumbleupon.com/review/17096491/

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:46:15 -0800

I know�its possible that�some of you�may be offended by this -�HOWEVER -�I got this from a woman, and she was laughing when she told�ME the joke!

Please take this in the spirit it was given, i.e., IT'S A FRICKIN' JOKE, PEOPLE!!!

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and theSurgeon agreed.�

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately summons the doctor.�

"I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"�

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him:�

"I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."� "The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago."��

And what about the third rose?" she asked.��

"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for His new ears."

http://JTGuthrie.stumbleupon.com/review/17096418/

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:44:25 -0800

Another joke which was emailed to me...:

After retiring,�a man�went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked for�his driver's license to verify�his age.�He looked in�his pockets and realized�he had left�his wallet at home.�

He told the woman that�he was very sorry, but would have to go home and come back later. The woman said "Unbutton your shirt."

So�he opened�his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She said "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me", and she processed�his Social Security application.
When�he got home,�he excitedly told�his wife about�his experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants.....you might have gotten disability, too."

http://JTGuthrie.stumbleupon.com/review/16797128/

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 11:22:05 -0800

I really love Dave's "Cynanide & Happiness" web comix! Here's a treat for YOU!

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

http://JTGuthrie.stumbleupon.com/review/16708931/

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 10:43:16 -0800

I just got another email joke from Cindy - here ya go:

********************************************************

Yesterday I was at Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for our new dog Blacky, and was standing in line about to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. My first thought was, this has GOT�to be a "where is your sign" lady, but I�decided to go with it...SO..

On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina weight loss diet again.

I said I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete... so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story to say the least. Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both...I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.

WAL-MART asked me not to shop there anymore.

http://JTGuthrie.stumbleupon.com/review/16519690/

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 13:50:55 -0800

An email joke from Cindy:�

****************************************************************************

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his yearly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said , "Things are great and I've never felt better.��I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.� So what do you think about that Doc?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.� One day he was�
setting off to go hunting.� In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.��
As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.� He realized he'd�
left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.� Out of habit he raised his cane,�
aimed it at the animal as if� it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.�Miraculously , two shots�
rang out and the beaver fell over dead."

"Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said,� "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into�
that beaver.'"

The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.'

http://JTGuthrie.stumbleupon.com/review/16405802/

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 13:22:43 -0800

Stuff from my friends in San Diego...

For several years, a married man was having an affair with an Italian girl. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. She said "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.

On the card was written:

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without."

"SEND EXTRA SAUCE"

http://JTGuthrie.stumbleupon.com/review/16405734/

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 13:20:36 -0800

MORE stuff from my friends in San Diego...

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this - how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. " You really can understand and speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me `cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"

"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and be gan to kiss her all over...."

Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!