StumbleUpon | ImpTeaser's blog posts

http://ImpTeaser.stumbleupon.com/review/27885564/

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 23:27:36 -0800

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE AFICIONADOS!!!!
chatterboxchallenge.com is a site that refuses to be stumbled. Now that you have the address, here's my review-
"Athena has a sense of humor. Rudimentary, yes, but it's there, if you have patience with her, and keep in mind that she is, after all, just a program. I still can't believe I was bored enough to spend an hour sparring with Elbot. He's very sensitive about his red button. Pressing it a second time will reset the conversation."

http://ImpTeaser.stumbleupon.com/review/27661336/

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 01:26:29 -0800

So, here's what I typed in to be translated into "12-year-old AOLer" -speak:

"Oh, this is too funny! I need to see what happens after a second or third generation translation, i.e.- from 12-year-old-AOLer to 12-year-old-AOLer, and maybe one time after that, if it's still comprehensible. I'm almost afraid of what the results will be. This is an English teacher's nightmare. I wonder what would happen to Shakespeare or the Constitution? How badly would a tongue-twister get shredded? I wonder, too, how mangled something would have to be to start with to wind up with straightforward English AFTER the translation? Would that even be possible? I suppose if you had a precocious 12-year-old chatting on AOL, it MIGHT be possible... if not likely. Just to be on the safe side, I'm copying this, and entering it into my blog. That way, the translation will stand for posterity, or at least until someone figures out how to unplug the internet altogether."

...only without the quotes. What came back out of this was:

"O THES SI 2 FUNY!!1!111 I NED 2 SE WUT HAP3NS AFTER A SECOND OR THIRD GENERATION TRANSLATION IE.-!11!! WTF FROM 12-Y3AR-OLD-AOLER 2 12-YAAR-OLD-AOLER AND MAYB ON3 TIEM AFTER TAHT IF ITS STIL COMPR3HENSIBLE!!!!!!1!! IMM ALMOST AFRADE OF WT RASULTS WIL B!!!!11!1! WTF THES SI AN ENGLISH TEACH3RS NIGHTMAER!1!!1!1 OMG WTF I WONDER WUT WUD HAPEN 2 R OR TEH CONSTITUTION???!?? LOL HOW BADLEY WUD A 2NGUE-TWISTER GAT SHRAD3D??!!!?!!! WTF LOL I WONDER 2 HOW MANGL3D SOMETHNG WUD HAEV 2 B 2 START WIT 2 WIND UP WIT STRAGEHTFORWARD ANGLISH AFTER DA TRANSLATION???!!!?? OMG WUD TAHT 3V3N B POSIBLE?????!? WTF LOL I SUPOSE IF U HAD A PRECOCIOS 12-Y3AR-OLD CHATNG ON AOL IT MIGHT B POSIBLA.!1!!111!!11!1!111111!1 LOL IF NOT LIEKLEY!!1!! WTF JUST 2 B ON DA SAEF SIED IMM COPYNG THIS AND 3NT3RNG IT IN2 MAH BLOG!!!!11! OMG TAHT WAY DA TRANSLATION WIL STAND FOR POSTARITY OR AT LAAST UNTIL SOM3ONE FIGURAS OUT HOW 2 UNPLUG TEH INTARNET AL2G3TH3R!11!!"

Notice how Shakespeare got abbreviated to "R"? (Re-entering the translation to be translated again only (for the most part) adds more "!!!!111!!!!11!!!'s")

Let's try something really perverse- from a "grammar wh*re's" point of view...

"The Elements of Style

William Strunk, Jr.

Asserting that one must first know the rules to break them, this classic reference book is a must-have for any student and conscientious writer. Intended for use in which the practice of composition is combined with the study of literature, it gives in brief space the principal requirements of plain English style and concentrates attention on the rules of usage and principles of composition most commonly violated."

In the interest of all things heretical and blasphemous, here's the translation-
"DA EL3MANTS OF STYLE

WILIM STRUNK JR
!1!!!!!1 OMG
ASARTNG TAHT ONE MUST FIRST KNOW DA RUL3S 2 BREAK THAM THES CLASIC R3FERENCE BOK SI A MUST-HAEV FOR ANY STUD3NT AND CONSCEINTIOS WRIETR!1!1!1 OMG INT3ND3D FOR UES IN WHICH TEH PRACTIEC OF COMPOSITION SI COMBIEND WIT TEH STUDY OF LIETRATUR3 IT GIEVS IN BREIF SPAEC DA PRINCIPAL REQUIERMENTS OF PLANE ENGLISH STYLE AND CONCENTRAETS ATENTION ON DA RUL3S OF USAEG AND PRINCIPLAS OF COMPOSITION MOST COMONLEY VIOLAETD!!!1!!"

Is this what future copy-editors are doomed to face? Is it this bad everywhere or just here in America? This may be humorous in intent (hilarious, in my view, on the surface), and it's great that there are still a few of us left who recognize that; but what of those who look at the translation, read it, and say, "What's wrong with that?" or "Why is that funny?"

http://ImpTeaser.stumbleupon.com/review/27468799/

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 05:17:20 -0800

The Bear is thinking of Poking Back!!
Does anyone know *who* "retired" SMS from a page? I'm using firefox, but I don't know if it's them or google who "retired" it. I just wanted to forward a phone # to my phone without having to plug it in in another room, where the charger is, and then wait, and then bring it back out to enter the #. Guess I'll have to do that anyway... I just want to know who to complain about... since complaining TO doesn't seem to do anything these days... no matter how you go about it.

http://ImpTeaser.stumbleupon.com/review/27155026/

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:04:41 -0800

The Bear Pokes Back!!!!!
Today's pokee- the electoral process

Nice... now they're being bitches (not the preferred term, but I figure if I use some restraint here, I can let them have it with both barrels (SO TO SPEAK!!!) when I get back there. A bank statement with the current address from this month and a paystub with the same address from a year ago along with an expired (picture) drivers license and the receipt for the new one ("these numbers don't match" ]75 point text->[ DU-U-U-U-U-UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!) aren't good enough, but a cell-phone bill is? I don't CARE who wins, could I please move to a less retarded country? This is my life on a regular basis, and people wonder why I am the way I am.... THAT'S what *I* don't get...

This is what the new licenses look like. The one I lost. Note the # under the photo. That's the number on the receipt for the new one... the one I lost a week or two ago. How nice for some people, say, lawmakers, for instance, that they are able and allowed to PLAN when or if they lose something. Most of us, or at the very least, I- do not have that luxury. When did a receipt stop representing the purchase for which it was issued? And WHY, for phlegm's sake??!!!!!!???
"Oh, this is only good for 45 days," I was told at the polling place.
"What?" I need to practice the vacant, blank, non-plussed look. I had to blink before the smoking sizzling coming from her hair burst into flames- or her head exploded, which is what I was going for. I think I was close to the Wednesday Addams "Die. Now." look.
There was so much stupidity bouncing back and forth behind that table I couldn't keep track of it all.
As the old, expired license shows (thank you ABC and LOST!), the numbers below the picture are completely different from the ones on the new one. That was their main problem before they realized that my receipt, being more than 45 days old, obviously had to represent a different purchase and couldn't possibly be the one I just lost.
"...in May? Oh, he must have gotten it by now!!" Yes, gotten and lost.
For those who don't know, I work at Burger King, at the Mall of America. With no set schedule. "Saving up" for, oh, say, a gallon of milk, is an urban myth. I have NEVER before worked at a so poorly managed establishment. But it's corporate, so they're still in business.
Sorry- back to the point; that being, I won't be able to even think of applying for a new license until Friday.
I offered a bank statement with my address, from last month. No go.
I offered a paystub from a YEAR ago, at the same address. No go.
The utilities aren't in my name, so that was out.

They wanted, are you ready for this?...
A cell phone bill.
Yes, you read right- a cell phone bill.
When the government trusts cell phone companies over banks for address verification, I don't care WHO wins the election, it's time to find another country to invest in, or move to, or both.
That being said, I can't afford to do either, so it looks like I'm back to the standard operating policy of "Put up AND shut up!"
Oh, and in case you read this whole thing just to find out, firstly- thank you. Secondly, yes, I did finally get to vote.

http://ImpTeaser.stumbleupon.com/review/27084613/

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 16:21:25 -0800

Instructions received via SirCumstance:

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Post a comment and then tag five more people.

"'...They still have the taxes or goods or whatever.'
'Hmmmmm...' muses Liedral. 'That's fine for the Kyphrans, but the Spidlarians are pretty stiff-necked.'"

In spite of their chaotic tendencies, Dorrin sets out to prove that machines *have* to be order-based in order to work at all.

The Magic Engineer (1994)
Second book in the Saga of Recluce
L. E. Modesitt, Jr.

Your turn... and no touch-backs!!

http://ImpTeaser.stumbleupon.com/review/27039308/

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 02:01:37 -0700

Go here and watch this. It's not playing nice with stumbleupon, and it's worth seeing. If enough people go and try to rate it, maybe someone will do something about it. Or is College Humor boycotting being stumbled? I tried three times to give it a thumbs up. Obviously, since you're reading this, that resulted in an epically stall-worthy fail.

http://ImpTeaser.stumbleupon.com/review/26977038/

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 03:20:44 -0700

Yesterday (Oct. 29th) was the 20th anniversary of the last plasma donation I ever gave.

Actually, that will be Friday (yes, the last time I ever donated was, ironically, on Halloween); the one on Oct. 29th, 1988, is the one that tested positive. I know I'll never have anyone TO marry, male or female, so for me it's relatively moot. But on the off-chance I do meet someone who is either willing to overlook it, or also positive but NOT solely and singularly identified as such, I'd still like the option to get married if we so choose. I'm lucky to live in a state that is not considering (at this moment) such a ban, but I'm pretty sure it won't be long after the election that someone will be lobbying to introduce something similar. Plus, it's not like we can anyway, it just hasn't been officially 403'd yet. (That's "forbidden" if this is your first day online...)

I know- I should be celebrating that I'm still here, and that I've not yet gone "full-blown," but who am I gonna celebrate *with*? Plus, what goes on the cake? "Congratulations on ignoring standard practices and avoiding the meds that would've killed you!!!!"? "Happy Outliving All But Three of Your Friends Day!!!"? How about "Two Decades and Still No AIDS!!"?

Sometimes having a conscience can get lonely. All I've ever really wanted was a friend to hang out with, maybe an occaisional hug... I mean, really- what IS the point of being corporeal if not to interact with physical surroundings... including other people?
Don't get me wrong, I miss intimacy like nobody's business, but I've had 20 years to get used to the idea of going without. So if anybody in the Twin Cities area needs someone "safe" to hang out with, to go shopping, go to movies, or just stay home and watch videos and play games with, or even just to talk to, hit me up. Most of my friends are relative loners, too, so you don't have to worry about crowds. I sort of "collect" people who don't have large circles of friends. That's a bad way of putting it, but that's about what it amounts to.

To all my friends on Stumble- thanks again for being who you are, and helping me feel a bit less like a hermit, or worse, a modern-day leper. I wish some of you lived closer so we could hang out now and then, but I guess if wishes were horses, there'd be a heck of a lot more street-cleaners.

http://ImpTeaser.stumbleupon.com/review/26508623/

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 00:51:14 -0700

MSNBC has a proprietary video player that excludes the stumblebar... so here is the address for Fischer-Price's (non)Islamic doll.

http://ImpTeaser.stumbleupon.com/review/26337724/

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 01:30:43 -0700

The Bear Pokes Back!!
Today's pokee: djTeka and, by proxy, Arizona's proposition 102.

As anyone familiar with my style can tell you, verbal momentum tends to infuse my stream of consciousness ramblings to the point that I don't notice the locks and dams that slow/stop others. Once I got going with my response, I again realized this was a blog in the making. So, here is the post that drew the response that inspired the blog that showed up on your screen ...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let's get the easy one out of the way first.

"It's not that I am against gay/lesbian relationships,...". Obviously you are, or you'd be voting against it, or even, more simply, not voting. Voting against this does not install a neon "H" on your forehead, or change your sexuality.

"...even if I am not in that kind of group,...". I will refrain from using this forum for expressing any doubts I may or may not harbor. Besides, how many groups are you talking about? What other groups fit into your definition of "that kind"? This is personal reinforcement, plain and simple. The fact that you're in favor of voting FOR it should make obvious enough to anyone reading that you're not a member of "that...group." Afraid to use the word homosexual? Or gay? Guess what? Until people start disappearing because they used the word "invisible," I don't think you have anything to worry about.

"I think it's wrong to give the same rights to 2 men or 2 women as a man and a woman, in terms of marriage." Ok, in fairness, which is more than you're granting, I will not ignore the key phrase in this statement and thereafter dwell solely on the key term. I will acknowledge both, in reverse order- "...rights..." not privileges?
If they are rights, denying them to ANYONE is wrong. Period. You said "rights," you did NOT say "privileges." However, to your (minimal) credit, you did say "I think..." which, while debatable, allows for that sentiment being a matter of opinion. Evidently that's another *right* and not a privilege, as has been previously addressed.

"All they want is the benefits that come from being married." Not so. That's a loophole just waiting to happen- you say you want 1 man and 1 woman to get married. Ok, that's easy- take two couples, one male couple and one female couple, and split each up and re-pair them off. Now you have two (supposedly) straight couples who are NEVER going to contribute to the population problem (I'll get to that in a minute or so...), neither of which is in love, but they're getting the benefits... AND getting invited to YOUR wedding, 'cuz they're "normal," as far as you can tell. Welcome to a step backwards in civil rights. We've already been there, tried that... and decided we shouldn't have to. That's why we're not asking for anything special, we're just (demanding) asking that we NOT be EXcluded from something that (almost) 90% of the population takes for granted.
Look at it this way: the divorce rate among straight couples is already at least 50%, how could we possibly do worse? If anything, wouldn't you think it might actually cut down on the "rampant promiscuity" that so many want to harp on?

This next "point" is so ridiculous, I don't even know where to start.

"I'd say its like giving a really overweight person the same tax benefits as someone who is pregnant, one cannot continue the next generation just by being, but by raising another life of their own genes."
************ to be continued... when I calm down...

http://ImpTeaser.stumbleupon.com/review/26307052/

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:21:09 -0700

BIP-
IGNORE!!
(Blog in Progress)

One of the things I like about SU... it's far easier for like minds to find each other this way than reading a profile that, let's face it, usually sounds the same as every other profile you've read. Even the ones that try to be different all kind of lump together after a while...

"im 2 emo 4 ths!! wuts th pnt??? if u no wt i men r cn ansr tht ? i mt rt bck- prolly not, tho, cz evrtng sx!!!! f u cnt rd this ur 2 OLD!!!!!!!" Which, when translated out of textspeak, probably looks more like- "I'm too emo for this. What's the point? If you know what I mean, or can answer that question, I might write back. Probably not, though, 'cuz everything sucks! If you can't read this, you're too old!"

Sometimes you get the old standby- "I don't really like these things, so, if you wanna know, ask." Translation: "I haven't developed a sense of self yet, so what I say this week might not apply next week. Or tomorrow." Or, "I'm a complete douchebag, and know it, but you don't, so give me a chance to tailor some bs just for you so you'll think I'm the greatest thing since... well, the last greatest thing you can think of."