StumbleUpon | Daphoenus's blog posts

http://Daphoenus.stumbleupon.com/review/37486520/

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 15:44:50 -0800

Most of us are doing the best we can to get through life. When you're in a really dark place, sometimes it's all you can do just to make it through the day - or even the next hour. The natural instinct is to just survive. We do what we have to in order to achieve that. In the depths of emotional and mental pain, sometimes the only way we feel we can survive is to numb ourselves with drugs or alcohol or some other form of instant gratification. When we have no sense of self-worth, sometimes we find that the easiest way to feel any value in ourselves is to belittle and humiliate others. It's not pretty. It's not good. But whatever gets us through night is alright...right?

Those are shaky foundations, though. More salt and sand than brick and mortar. They keep crumbling beneath you and you keep repeating the same patterns of self-harm and harming others in a vain attempt to build yourself up again. I've seen a lot of this in my life. I've seen a lot of it going on here - perhaps more than in the offline world. When you can hide behind your monitor and don't have to face your victims, it's much easier to attack. There's no guilt when you don't have to look into their eyes. You can't see or hear them, therefore they don't exist. It's a kind of psychopathy unique to the internet.

Most, if not all, of us have said something cruel or hurtful to others on here at one time or another. None of us is guiltless or perfect. But some have adopted hostility and mockery as a way of life. It's their raison d'�tre. I'm tired of these people. I'm tired of their smug sense of (false) superiority. I'm tired of dealing with the high school bully mentality.

If you're capable of any sort of self-reflection, ask yourself this: am I one of these people? Do I consistently disregard the feelings of others in my attempt to build up my own fragile ego? If so, then perhaps you could also ask yourself: what will I feel in my last moments on this earth? Will I feel proud of all the vitriol I spread? Will I regret not making more people feel worthless and small? Or do I wish that people would have good, rather than bad, memories of me?

I know how I'll be remembering some of you. And it ain't pretty. I hope that gets you through the night alright.

http://Daphoenus.stumbleupon.com/review/27827771/

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 10:19:22 -0800

Today:

whatever gets you through the night
it's alright

http://Daphoenus.stumbleupon.com/review/37456612/

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:01:07 -0800

Hmmmm. Someone is a little bitter...

http://Daphoenus.stumbleupon.com/review/37299983/

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 13:58:01 -0700

http://Daphoenus.stumbleupon.com/review/37269874/

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:06:27 -0700

Today is our staff Halloween party and we're encouraged to spend the day in costume. I thought it might be fitting to come as a literary character, given that I work in a library.

Will you please call me Cordelia?

But if you call me Anne please call me Anne spelled with an E.

http://Daphoenus.stumbleupon.com/review/37254255/

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:57:35 -0700

There were wonderful things for me in the mail today.

A darling dino change purse...

...and a Creation Museum mug.

Thank you, American friend. Now I will know the truth every morning as I drink my coffee. :)

http://Daphoenus.stumbleupon.com/review/37134707/

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 10:27:09 -0700

The Village is on TV right now. I'd heard that it was a crappy movie, but none of the reviews prepared me for this level of craptitude.

And yet, I can't look away...

http://Daphoenus.stumbleupon.com/review/37121051/

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 17:39:52 -0700

It's been a tough Saturday, so I'm going to de-stress with this...

I'm only sorry that none of you will be able to experience my drunken rendition of The Lonely Goatherd.

http://Daphoenus.stumbleupon.com/review/37111338/

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 08:09:55 -0700

Say what you need to say.

http://Daphoenus.stumbleupon.com/review/36983469/

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:24:02 -0700

I'm going to tell you a story. A true story.

I have a wonderful friend named Susan. I met her when I started work at the library. She took me under her wing and kindly and patiently showed me the ropes. She became my sole friend in a strange and frightening new place. Her generosity and warmth of spirit knows no bounds. When I went through a terrible time two years ago, she was there to help hold me together. There aren't words to express how deeply moved I was - and still am - by her caring.

About twenty years ago, Susan met a man named Dale. Not really just any man - her soul mate. Some people don't believe in such a thing, but Susan and Dale believed it and that's all that matters. Both of them had been through heartache and sadness and trauma, but they became the bright spot in each other's lives. They helped each other heal. They didn't marry, but it didn't matter. They knew they'd be together for the rest of their lives.

Two months ago, Susan began to experience debilitating, gut-wrenching anxiety attacks. She was certain she was dying. There was no rationale behind it - it was just a deep, instinctual feeling of impending death. She could barely function through the pain of it and it was terrible to watch her suffering.

Today, just a couple of hours ago, she received word that Dale had died suddenly of a heart attack. As soon as I heard this, I knew. And she knew. She wasn't foreseeing her own death - it was his that she was feeling. In her grief and shock she said to me, "I thought it was me that was dying, but it wasn't. It was the other part of me." It sent a shiver down my spine. If I hadn't believed in soul mates before, I do now.

She didn't get to say goodbye. She didn't get to be with him at the end. She didn't get that one last "I love you." We all know that life can end in the blink of an eye, but naturally it's not something that we think about every day. We take things for granted. We neglect to say "I love you" as often as we should. We get angry and hold grudges. We waste our lives on trivialities.

In light of all this, I would like to say, to everyone and no one, "I love you, I forgive you, please forgive me. Now, let's go get a life and maybe find our own soul mate before it's too late."