StumbleUpon | 22twain's blog posts

http://22twain.stumbleupon.com/review/29993642/

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 20:34:07 -0800

Hey, somebody farted. Let's get outta here.

I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

I'm sorry, were you talking to me? No? Well then, please start.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

Stand still so I can pick you up.

Do you work in a bakery? No? Well where did you get all that cake?

If you were words on a page, you'd be fine print.

You know we've actually met before? Remember that dream you had about the perfect man? I was the dude standing to the right of him.

Can I buy you a drink? Or do you just want the money right now?

My friend wants to know if you think I'm cute.

Wanna come over for some pizza and some sex? No? What, you don't like pizza?

Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?

Hey I think I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?

You have the whitest eyes I've ever seen. Do you floss?

Besides being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down, so go ahead and say no.

What does it feel like to be the hottest girl in the room?

Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

Would it be ok if I flirted with you while I wait for my friends to get here?

If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

You know how men buy fancy cars to make up for certain shortages? Well I don't even own a car.

If I jumped on your back, would you beat me off?

Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate...well here I am!

Did we go to different schools together?

I'm cool like the other side of the pillow.

If I were a fly I'd be all over you, 'cause you're the shit.

I can make you feel like I've never had sex before.

Do you have a boyfriend? (No) Want one? (Yes) Want another one?

I bet you $20 you'll turn me down.

Chicks dig me. I wear colored underwear.

You smell funny. Let's go shower.

If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.

People call me John, but you can call me tonight!

Can I even get a fake number?

That shirt is awful. Take it off now!

The only time I'd kick you outta bed would be to fuck you on the floor!

I'm no weather man but the forecast is calling for several inches tonight!

I just shit my pants. Can I get into yours?

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

Sure it's a needle, but it moves like a sewing machine.

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

My friends over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?

Hey, wanna dance? -NO-. Maybe you didn't hear me; I said you look really fat in those pants!

I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.

Do you like to dance? -YES-. Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?

Mind if I stand here until it's safe where I farted?

If I were to ask you for your number, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

http://22twain.stumbleupon.com/review/29993616/

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 20:33:07 -0800

Enjoy and share.

A brain like a BB in a boxcar.

A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.

A lap behind the field.

A modest little person, with much to be modest about

A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.

A prime candidate for natural deselection.

A room temperature IQ.

A square with only three sides.

A titanic intellect...in a world full of icebergs.

All booster, no payload.

All foam, no beer.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

Ano-fossal ambiguity (can't tell his ass from a hole in the ground).

Answers the door when the phone rings.

As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot.

As focused as a fart.

As sharp as a sack full of wet mice.

Batteries not included.

Both oars in the water, but on the same side of the boat.

Brain permanently in power saving mode.

Caboose seems to be pulling the engine.

Can't count his balls and get the same answer twice.

Couldn't count to 21 if he were butt naked.

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

Couldn't write dialogue for a porno flick.

Cranio-rectally inverted.

Depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

Differently clued.

Dock doesn't quite reach the water.

Doesn't have a fart's prayer in a hurricane.

Missing some dots on his dice

Doesn't have his belt through all the loops.

Driveway doesn't quite reach the garage.

His ancestors were in the control group during evolution

Fighting the war with a water pistol.

Four cents short of a nickel.

Full throttle, dry tank.

He's running diesel fuel in a gas engine

Goalie for the dart team.

Has his solar panels aimed at the moon.

Has it floored in neutral.

Couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked bean dinner.

Has only one chopstick in the chowmein.

Has the mental agility of a soap dish.

Hasn't got all his china in the cupboard.

IQ lower than a snake's belly in a wagon-rut.

Long on dry wall, short on studs.

Plays solitaire for cash.

Salt in the shaker...no holes in the cap.

Kinked Slinky

Surfing in Nebraska.

The cheese slid off the cracker.

Uses his head to keep the rain out of his neck.

http://22twain.stumbleupon.com/review/18845166/

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 17:00:04 -0700

I wish people wouldn't take shit so seriously (iwillbiteyou). Don't get your panties bunched over a blog.

http://22twain.stumbleupon.com/review/18782821/

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 18:26:55 -0700

If you buy a brand new hard drive, nothing on it whatsoever, and then fill it up with data, does it weigh more afterwards?

If not, does that mean nothing was added?

And if that's the case, was the data there the whole time just waiting for the electrons to be arranged in a specific way?